...the Journey...

new year.

2007-01-15T12:17:00.001-08:00

It was a month after christmas and all though the rutledge house, there we smiles and lot and lots of naps.
Ry and i have been so busy latly with outtings and adventures that last week believie it or not we took the whole week to ourselves and relaxed every evening. it was very nice. But now this week as our life goes back to more normal pace where we are workiong lots of hours and socializing alot.
Work is wonnderful and yet very odd al at the smae time. One of the gurls is getting married and that is very very exciting. So it is exciting to see her go thought the wedding process.
Ry is doing well. Pray for his job situation as it is getting alittle sticky and rough. Sp please pray for gods gudaice and faith for him to make it though.
My birthday is coming up and i dunno what i am going to do at all. Maybe just have a nite or day with friends and hang out. nothing to wild.
Ry and I are doing so well i am still enjoying every moment of our relationship even the busy ones. Or the lying in bed ones or the ones were we are makeing supper together or doing the dishes together. its awsome i love it. its like everyday we fall more in love with eachother or at least i do with him. i cant even describe it because its so beautiful. and wonderful.
Well nothing else is soo new so as time goes on so will I.
God bless.

2006-12-04T05:37:00.000-08:00

love.

The snow is falling

2006-12-04T05:20:00.000-08:00

its beautiful!
the stratford area is finally coverd in snow. i am soo excited. i love the snow. it gets me more in the christmas spirit. i guess i have always thought there was snow when Jesus was born. Anywase, well married life is good and ry and i are getting the swing of things. I really do love being with him. its soo fun. Soo with christmas coming ry and i have put up a tree that we got given to us by a friends aunt, she also gave us lights with the tree. Man she has blessed us the tree is wonderful but we dont ahve many ordiements only like 8-10 to be exact! so ry and i are having a ppl over and asking them to bring an ordiement for out tree so that we can have more and also have them to remember ppl by. It should be wonderful! So yesterday we went to the santa cluse parade and we walked with my work and gave out candy canes. it was fun but bitterly cold. Ry and i have had a busy weekend and i dont think it is going to slow down. we have things booked until wednesday i believe. its a busy life. but we are both saying No to alot of thing also. to make time for us. but i miss just being with him and having those wild dates and crazy times we had on our honey moon. but well we cant live like that all the time. i wish tho. maybe over christmas we can take some time just for us. a couple days where we sleep in and stay up late together curled up in eachothers arms watching old christmas movies. ohh i cant wait for that! anywase, work is swell and i am learning lots. but as we speak i should be getting ready for work. well Merry christmas if i dont get a chance to get back on here until after.

2006-10-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

So as time has past I am married and i am now refered to often as an old married woman. I am definitly not old.
but i cant really write much but i can say the the wedding was amazing and if you missed it you missed a great one.
I am working at this store call P'lovers.....Planet lovers...is what the title stands for. its an enviromental store filled with organic and natural things. I like working there alot.
Living with Ryan is amazing! i love it.
anywase, i gtg to work but send me some post.

PLEASE PRAY!

2006-08-17T05:16:00.000-07:00

Well the road of life is tough right now and slowly i am loosing faith. I have applied to jobs everyday for almost 2 months and nothing has came up but a mizley 20 hour a week job in which they havent paed me for a month. I am soo fustrated and broken. Ryan and i wont have enough $ if i dont get a job that pays at least 10$ an hour and 40 hours a week at the least. I am even tring to work in a factory. My worst nitemare. But i think i have to. I dont see God rght now or what he is doing. I am fustrated, crying and have no modivation to even apply anymore. Planing a wedding is a brezze compared to tring to find a job. Please pray for me. Pray for God to show himself to me and that i would see it. Pray for Him to calm my heart and my soul. To bring a peace over all of them. I feel like giving up on this whole job thing and just liviing in a cardboard box down by the river and not doing anything.

du du dun da du du dun da

2006-07-31T11:14:00.000-07:00

60 days a counting.!!!
WOW only 2 months before i am married.
thats insanse. but i am well excited.
Sad because come ppl who i really love and care about cant come but still excited cause its my WEDDING Day!!!
Plans are going great and life is just bouncein.
i have been feeling a little sick latly soo i think i will do a couple day fast to give my body a break as reccomended by my doctor. He says that especially around this time i will need to be eating better and alot more smaller meals but i havent really been doing that and i have been eating out with alot of ppl lately cause of all meetings with friends and chats and good things. but i do know that this fast will do me good as the doc says it gives your digestive track some time to rid the toxiens and build new ones soo i will start tommrow and rid my body of all things bad and evil. ha ha.
BUT wedding plans are good. I have done the flowers and i have done the majority of decorations and got my gurls gifts and everyhting. I seem to think it is going good and quite easy not too much stress. But yes, there is some stress.
speaking of that: can you pray for ry and I because its getting rough at times for us to hear GOD or for us to hear our own hearts. We have been feeling alot of ppl telling us what to do latly and not letting us be us. So pray that we would ahve better filters to listen the wisdom and to shut out the "junk" or use less stuff.
Umm but other than that i am glad RSVPs are comming in and i ahve only heard nos from a few ppl. but currently 50 ppl are coming. We are soo excited. whoo

So i found a job, I am orking part time at the Bricck Funriture store. ITs fun but i a only part time which sucks. i wish i was full time. Soon maybe tho.. But i am still looking forsomething. more suiting to me. so keep praying.

well i dunno what else is new. but 60 days will come fast soo i am well excited to see you all. If you havent got and invite tell me and i will send one over. HUGS
byes

Peace.

2006-07-05T04:22:00.000-07:00

Well here we go again. I'm out on a search for a job once again. Man jobs that are good are hard to come by around here. My employer fired me because I refused work when there was a natural gas leak. so regardless later on that day he called me and fired me. And for you government/legal people thinking through this "No he can not fire me" due to my refusal for an unsafe work place. So i'm now going through all the legalities and such with the health and saftey board. Its the worst. I dunno what to do but i know he wronged me and he shouldnt have.
But however i am out looking for a job as i ahve been for the past two weeks or so anywase cause i have been being treated the crap by my bosses wife. So today i have a job interview and i hope it goes well. It is for some financal thing. I dunno if i want to be doing it but we will see. My math skills are poopy and my head skills are brutal but i can use a calculater just fine. I dunno. I hope to get this deilivery driver one. But who knows probably alot of people applied and i probably done have enough experience. but i'll try no harm in that!
Although, i should feel stressed and sad and wanted a job fast. I am not, i feel at peace about this one. I think that god has given me a huge greater piece about all of this so that i dont worry or anything. i dunno you would think i should be alittle worried considering that i am getting married in 88 days(i think thats right). I dunno. I think that i might have to wait for something but then the right thing is gunna come up in no time. And i am gunna like it. Its gunna use my skills and who God has made me. So i wait paticently on God for Him to lead me to my next step. Pray with me as i seek for Gods guidance.

Wedding Update.
Well i have now booked the hall and the church. OH ya and the date. It will be on september 30 at 4 oclock and the reception- in tavistock where ryan is from- will follow the ceremony -memorial baptist church my home church. We are quite excited. and i am quite nervous all at the same time. I made all the gentelmans crosages yesterday. that was fun. Last week along with some of my girlfriends and mom and mom in law made about 150 intevations. we still have about 50 more to go we think. We meet witht eh wedding planner today and we hope to get a good deal and yet have things look nice and pretty. We also are saving money but doing a potluck instead of catering. Way cheaper and more suiting to who we are. Ohh ya the coloures are expresso brown and tea rose Pink. They are beautiful together. And the flowers are mainly gurber daisys the light pink ones. umm so ya things are going. My dress was already bought before he proposed because i knew it was coming soon and it had to be ordered or it wouldnt get here in time. But still its exciting. I am soo excited. Ohh ya on sat the house that ryan and i wanted came avalible to us soo we have now got a house. it has 2 bed rooms 1 bathroom and office livingroom and kitchen with stove fridge dishwasher and washer and dryer. ya its sweet and only 800 a month. So amazing....ohh did i meantion that there are 2 decks and a large amount of parking. and he is painting it whatever colour we want and redoing the carpets. SuPeR DuPEr excited. I cant wait. well yes i can but you know what i mean....

well i best be off to watch some gilmore gurls and then to figureing out who will give me the better deal on flowers, to my job interview, to picking up enlevops for the inatations, to finishing the invites, to taking a meg's style nap, to ryan and i signing a lease, to us going to the wedding planers, then out to hang out with another couple, then hopefully to bed with me.

I got News!!

2006-06-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone.
Well on the weekend Ryan Proposed. So were getting married. Its so exciting!!! I think we are going to be hoping for the 30 of sept. I am soo excited.
He proposed on the beach with root beer floats and a big bowl of popcorn that also had my ring in it. Oh ya did i forget to mention the Sunset. Ya it was beautiful . He was all cute and asked me on one knee and ofcourse he asked my parents first. HE is a keeper. ha ha
anywase, thought i would share my exciting news.

...the Journey...

2006-06-06T16:09:00.000-07:00

Well what can i say.
i feel as tho God and i are on and off. lately and i really am missing consistancy so i have been asking God to show me what needs to be done to grow closer with him and be in silence with him. So of course thinking of the good old Life team days i thought i should do a day of silence but instead it is gunna be a couple days of silence. I am staying away from Ryan during this time and just basicaly being by myself well minus work...but the majorty of the other time is devoted to God and growing with him. I want to rise up and clear my head of this fog. or mist. cause i can still see their are just patchy thick parts. anywase pray for me as i go searching and journeying with God once again.
also pray for ryan as we take time apart that he would also concentrate on what God wants him to Do and learn and such. Pray as he works though some things that God is tuggen his heart at.
thanks guys.

also answer to prayer a good friend has came back to Jesus. Whoot whoot!! how exciteing.

i cant see

2006-05-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

I dont understand what God is doing.
I thought i had a job all lined up. the guy told me to call him this week and so i did and he sure gave my position to another person. What!! i am soo odded. i dont understand he told me i had the position and then he gave it away. WHO DOES THAT!? So now i am still just working part time and geting paid servers wage which is nothing and i cant pay fro rent probably. I dunno. I know God is taking care of me but i just dont understand or see the purpose of this. God has a plan i know he does. its like i said yesterday GOd can see the hole picture and i cant really see much of the picture at all. I am just sad, upset and tear-ie. I dunno what to do. i say to myself be stong in God because He is the all mighty banker and He will take care of me. Pray please.

...the Journey...

2006-05-15T15:05:00.000-07:00

Our God is an amazing man.
He has made himself such a mystery but yet we can know who he is but just not always know how or why he does the things he does. God Amazes me because he does things all at the perfect timing and yet He does things and we dont understand at the beginging but we can see or understand it later. A friend said to me last year its like looking at a piece of paper. If we poke a pin hole in it and look though it we cant see very much on the other side. But God on the other hand can see all sides of the paper and all angles to the other side. Basically God can see the big picture and we can only see what we have been given. I have to remind myself that God is a God who runs things fromt he future. He is an Omnipresance God. He can be everywhere all at the same time. He can see our future plans and choices and He runs my life from that. ITs totally hard and not real for me to understand but I love it! GOD is an amazing GOD. HUGE AND UNPRODICTABLE. Its Aweing.

...the Journey...

2006-05-10T19:40:00.000-07:00

Well i am getting settled into my new place still. my roommate is painting her room so she has all her stuff out in the living room. its a crazy house right now. But in other news i have had many job opps and am currently working at a bakery and a coffee shop. But today i got offered a landsacpinmg type job soo i dunno i might take it i hvaent decided.
ya. Umm God and i are in a mode where i am learning tons and he is teaching tons. I am leaning so much about me. whooo whooo!! like how i am such an administrative person and i didnt really know it before. but i like it soo i thought hey thats a good thing...and God is teaching me very practical things. I like it God and i are on a good but rough/hard path right now.
Umm...not much else tooo new... I road in a limo with ryan this past weekend. OH my soo fun! first time. and went to a really fancy restrant. It was awsome. I loved it. I felt like a princess. Who would have thought that!
anywase, rys here i gtg later.
ohh ya if you need my new addy then post a comment and i will send it to you along with my new #.

o bliss..

2006-04-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

This is Ryan and I on our one month anniversary.

...a curve...

2006-04-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

Well lets see, i am not working at the YMCA anymore. Whooo. I am soo excited!! it was torture down in the dungan!
so i am looking for a job. I have had a couple offers and such. So that job seaching is going well. I will hopefully be working 2 jobs in the summer to be making alot of moneies. so i can live and also save for varius reasons.

IN other news. wait there isnt really any.
I move on the 29th come help is you can.
I am still with ryan.
I love people.
ya.

Golden!

2006-04-13T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well with easter coming i have been finding myself tring to read through the meaning the easter. Its been wonderful. But i am learning so much other wise too right now. I have been focusing on 2 cor 4 lately. One part that i am enjoying is, verse 16(mind you i enjoy it all but this part hits me differently) This verse talks about being renewed on the inside no matter what we are like on the outside. I find that i can relate to this because lately i am feeling pretty crappy on the outside and wonderful on the inside. I dunno, for me normally its the other way around. My stomach hurts or somthing. And its not just a confidence thing where i think i dont look beautiful enough but i dunno its just ageneral feeling of poop on my body! ha ha not literally tho, well maybe some days, cause i do smell. I dunno, Gods been showing me what that looks like to be so close to him on the inside it doesnt matter about the outside, as much. anywase, back to work i go. to go and ponder some more.

At last!

2006-04-10T08:36:00.000-07:00

Well to follow up on the last comment. I have just told my bosses that i will not be teach fitmess classes anymore. I am fed up with having to teach 5 classes a week and being told nothing about them. I am sick of it! I am board with class and tired of the same thing over and over again! I am tired of it. the fitnes person here has said to me that i have to teach class or else. And i say or else what? I am waring my body too thin right now physically. I need alittle room to breathe. AH! Anger. Anywase, i love teaching i have just been teaching too much lately. I need a break! Anywase. at least i didnt swear at her last week when she told me she was gunna have me teach 4 classes this week. I just took a deep breath and explained to her why i couldnt. she didnt listen but at least i tried.
well gtg back to work...booo...

...the Journey...

2006-04-07T18:08:00.000-07:00

there are so many parts to life.
I am so lost i them. I need, friendship, love and God to live. this is hard. But God calls us to look above us and to others. so that in the end we are bringing ultimate glory to him.
God continue to have this journey of mine piece together.

I am so fustrated with some ppl and i dunno how to deal with it i want to swear at them but i dont really... God help me to see the good in how they treat me and why you have placed me there.

Its a fairy tale...

2006-04-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

Oh my let me start off with a Holy-camoly-smakers-geek.
Well with that being said let me tell you how much has happened this week or two.
Ryan and i are offical and we are loving this relationship. Seriously we see each other almost everyday. Or at least talk once of twice a day. I care about him soo much. He suprised me and showed up at my work with a bunch of flowers. I was in awe. We also were together for the majority of the weekend and i wasnt sick of him. This is something that i have never experienced before. I have never felt this way before, its like a fairy tale. I am so excited to see where God takes us. So pray for us as we continually seek God.
Umm...God is doing so much in life right now. He has moved me into a position where i will be inactive in any "ministry." So as of right now i have pulled out of all youth ministry and will now just be living. funny but true. NO more youth, no more sunday school, no more Youth Church, no nothing. this is weird but good.
God has put me in a place of rest and restoration. In puling out of all the things i am involved in i have freed time for me to concentrate on where God has put me now. I have been told that maybe its a season for ryan and i to grow and to concentrate on us. Which is amazing. Cause to be more realistic...none of my friends have really been contacting me latley or anything. So its pretty hard. but yet not, God has cleared the way so that i can concentrate on ryan and I. its exciting. Anywase, Along with this God is changing me in my work atmosphere and everything. I'll give you more on that later.
Part of this rest and restoring, God ahs provied me with a room mate and has made it possible for me to be moving out. In that case i will move out some time at or near the beggining of May. Ana is my room mate or house mate...i am stoked as is she. I think that God is allowing me to start over and become refreshed and renewed. its exciting.
Other than that, I have had some good and rough moments latly and yet God is part of it all. GOD IS GOOD.
My cry-send me alittle love/ encouragement note just to remind me that you care. Thanks.

...the wild Journey...

2006-03-21T13:07:00.000-08:00

Ohh ya i'm tanned! well i guess i better be seeing as i was in florida for a week! wel it was nice and busy. It was fun dont get me wrong but not very relaxing for me..well it was relaxing but yet i was warnen out and tired when i came home and stil am. But ya, umm it was awsoem i had an amazing group or gurls in my cabin and i had a fun week with them. I watched as God moved throughout the week, and that was soo glorious! i loved it! I love our God!
Anywase, well i am back home now and back i guess to the real life. WOW do i not miss that for sure! So i was suppose to be moving in om april 1st with a friend and it was a perfect place and location! but she is bailing and i cant pay on my own. So i am not looking/praying for a housemate. I would love to have someone who i already know but if not then oh well God will make things work. So i have until the second week of april to try and find one but if i dont then i dont...i guess....God has other plans for me.
Oh yes and in other news. Ryan and i are growing closer. We definitly went out on a date and such...so in other words we are kindda moving our relationship but VERY VERY slowly. I am soo not wanting anything right now but yet this doesnt feel stressful or anything it is just happening. NO force no like akward convos or anything. it is awsome!!
It goes along with what God is teaching me with this hole dont over analyze or read into things too much. And life a simple life and what that looks like for me. This is one thing that i am not doing is wanting to pruse this "relationship," Simply I am just letting it happen. Whooo which adds so much to it but it sure is hard thats for sure. i want to just turn to him some days and be like "kiss me" but no thats not good. I need to be diciplined. ha ha ha anywase, life is weird. lates.

whats this mean?

2006-03-09T14:57:00.000-08:00

Well wow alot has happened this week already!
I'll do a short re cap for ya.
Dave- I think we are offically over. We have been on a break for three weeks and he didnt know what he wanted to do..as of last friday and soo we were supose to meet on wednesday yesterday..but he didnt show up. so we're over. ! I am not putting up with crap all the time. ya, so thats rough but yet at the same time God has taught me so much abotu me through out this. SO ROCK ON I"M SIGNLE!!!
Work-well i am looking for a new job cause i cant work at the Y in the summer in concret walls and such. No i cant. i need sun soo i am looking for a new job that is outside. I have applied at about three in stratford. i really hope to get one. That would be sweet!
Family-well grandma is doing alot better she is now able to walk on her own and she got her stint out. so she is well. My mom and dad are doing ok. Dad isnt doing well health wise and mom well i think she has an eating disorder, i have recently been seeing signs of one so pray for that!
House-Well i am moving out!!!! i got my own place well i ahev a room mate and that will be great fun! right downtown above the almighty famous toy store. So i move in April first but i think i will wait until later seeing as i am doing the 30h famine the nite b4.
Friends-Do have these? Well lets just say God is walking me through a time of lonlyness and whatnot. Even when i was with my friends well until, tuesday. That day was differnt i was for some reason myself. strange. Anywase, speaking of tuesday i got together with a friend who i ahvent seen ion like 15 years. Ohh my and we hit it off. and ya for any of you math go'ers yes we were friends whenw e were 5-6 ish so ya geting together was alot of fun. We sat in Tim hortons for 6 hours. Oh my who does that!?! but we did realy hit it off and he made me laugh so much. He is an awsome guy and i am glad we connected again and i am sure this timewe wont loose touch with one another so easily! HE and i are still very much the smae ppl and yet we are grown up. Its cool!
Random- i am going to flordia soon. i leave saterday and i will be going down as a leader with YFC. i am so stoked. i cant wait. now if only i can remember to get money! crap! i forgot again! ohh man. Umm...other news....well...there isnt much i am tired. and i need to sleep but i cant i gtg to teach aqua fit agian. Boo and yea at the same time. Well keep me in your prayers.

misunderstand.

2006-03-03T20:40:00.000-08:00

All i want to do is swear.
All i think is about how i want to say the f word a million times.
But instead i seat here and just think it.
All i want is for someone to feel how i feel
All i think is that i want to hurt someone.
But instead i seat here and just think it.
All i want is to go back in time.
All i think is how could i do this.
But instead i realize that i cant do anything.
All i want to do is make sense and understanding of this.
All i think is there has to be a reason.
But instead i realize that i cant do anything.
I am hurt.
I cry.
My heart aches.
I try to push this all out.
I am learning, i say to myself
I can get thorugh this,
I try to say repeatedly thinking the more i say it the more it will become true
I feel torn, not knowing what to do.
I am sad.
I am angry.
I am feeling something that i have nevr felt before.
I care so much but yet i just want to give up,
But do i really want to?
Can i work through this?
Has my journey hit a rough road where i ahve to choose to sink and eventually swim or swim slow and gradually become faster.
I dunno what to do.
But what i do know is i cant deal with this pain.
I hurt and i scream out in pain.
Are you listening to your child suffer?
Why wont you do something?
You are a God of faithfulnes and i know you are here with me.
But sometimes its just hard to see you.
I am and have been weak for so long riding all on you.
Not knowing what to do.
Yes you are teaching me beacuse i know there is good in every situation.
But i am so confused and hurt i cant see it.
God save me.
God craddle me in your loving arms.
And remind me that,
Better is ONE day in your courts than thousands else where.
God rescue me!
I draw near to you.
Sort me out God.
Cause i have a hope that one day you will say to me well done my child
You dont give me anything i cant handle
so i know i can get through this
but sometimes i feel its impossible
But with you nothing is impossible.
Encourage me Oh Mighty Encourager.
Teach me Oh Mighty teacher.
Guide me Oh Mighty leader.
When i am wreaked for you.
take me. I cant do this without you, and i know that.
But the pain is still there.
My heart still crys.
Help.

lfie as it happens.

2006-02-28T07:34:00.000-08:00

Well lets see, in a day what has happened.....Well yesterday i chatted with kevin and he told me that my job was at the pool in the summer not at the outdoor pools..Well that means that i am right back to looking for a job for the summer. i will only be loking for jobs that will take me outside and i can strat to do that. IN other news, Rodney came over last nite and we had a good chat. I really enoy that boys company and i really like him as a good friened and cherish him greatly. He makes ms laugh and smile. We had a good chat last nite and just another encounter from God for me seeing as i was able to work some things out and figure things out. Hes a great freind. Anywase, work now is boraing, still but i am still here, and wil be until i ahve another job. POopie i need to ghet another job asap. ha ha..get me outta here. anywase, i am back tot he work place.

day by day..

2006-02-27T08:31:00.000-08:00

So as i journey i realize that there is way too much out there and i am not grabing aholed of it. I have been just carrying on as if i am forty something. Forgetting that it is now in my life where i can have fun and work in wild places and be outside and jumpoing and running. NOT working indoors and doing no thing. I am wanting to get out of the ymca and work somewhere else and be outside.as summer approches i realize that i cant be working at the YMCA all the time that i need to get out and be free or freer than i have been. I want to work somewhere where i am using my hands and being active. So i am appling at a couple of landscaping places and maybe at some camps around the city. but i need to be close cause of Youth Church. Otherwise i might just go out to BC and work there. I also ahve a chance at working in northren ONtario but if that happens then where is YC? i dunno...its hard to figure out right now and this on top of everything else....is too much for me right now. But i think i am going to move in with Jackie posibly but if i dont have a summer job then i am screwed. i will not be able to pay rent. bummer. for sure. so i dunno what to do. God help.
things with Dave are rough right now and i dunnoo it seems to not be a good thing..i dunno. I am sad and feeling things i dont know how to describe towards the hole situation.
When life adds up you just have to presiver on with it and press on towards something that is much better the prize in which God has layed out for me. Even tho i cant really see it sometimes buti go towards it anywase.
Pray!

help.

2006-02-24T19:46:00.000-08:00

oh man i cant even deal with my life right now. This week has killed me on the inside. I ahve cried everyday at least. I am so hurt, confused, sad, full of pain but yet i have joy b/c of other things that re happening. I am so lost in this world i just wanna go home, to my real home in Heaven. Where Jesus will be. God take care of me. I am empty yet again. On the floor waitng for you to rise me. I need you with out you i am nothing and with you all is possible. Sometimes you need to remind me of ALL things. God your strength is so much greater than mine. I am weak and need your help. cause i cant do it anymore or really at all. EVER! Take this pain away God and surround me with ppl who love me and who care about me. Dont let me feel alone in a group of ppl. God you are with me no matter where i am. God i need you. I cry out to you. God save me. Heal me.

Nothing is impossible.

2006-02-21T03:37:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,
wow i am dealing with alot o my plate right now and i am feeling overwhelmed with alot of "stuff." Please help me shake sme things off and deal with some things, so Pray! Pray for me and ask God how to pray for me, specifically. I would love to be encouraged by your prayers so if you want to share them with me that would be amazing. Thats a nother thing i need now is encouragement. I am feeling pretty down. Way too much stuff. But its not because God only gives me what i can handle. So nothng is impossible. I can and will get through this.
wow our God is so big and so amazing. He is almighty and all powerfull. He will carry me. I hold strong to you God as you are my refuge and strength.

Hard.

2006-02-13T17:30:00.000-08:00

Well working with this whole dying to self or dying for the ones you love thing is freaken hard. Oh my... Well i was upset today at something and i was writing an e-mail to the person describing my feelings of hurt and anger. Then i remembered that and i thought its not worth mentioning. Also i would be moreless concentrating on myself so i stoped sendng it. but man it was a tough one.
Work was good. i am feeling board and such but i still ahve alot to do. and i need to shower i smell. And dave is coming over tonite. Whooo whooo..we are celebrating V day on friday i think or sat but i am excited either way cause he is taing me out for supper and such it will be nice i am excited. ha ha ha ha i am such a gurl. Giggles. and smiles.
peace. Pray for me this life is pretty rough right now and i am holding on by a string. or less.

crazy adventures.

2006-02-12T17:53:00.001-08:00

this weekend was great. relaxing and tiring all at the same time. Went out with dave and also did some other various things i hung out with Ana alot...i love it. She is super and she makes me think b/c she isgoing though alot in her life and when she shares he sotries with me ans such it challenges me as it does her. Funnyhow that is. Well we hung out wit dave and his friend luke yesterday afterdoing chores. Ana loved doing chores crazy lady she is. Funny tho. I really am thankful for friends, espcially ana. She and i have been hanging out alot more lately, i dunno why we just ahve and i really have a ton of appreciation for her and the things she has over come and the things she goes through its awsome. Anywase, off to bed.

The thing called Love.

2006-02-12T17:53:00.000-08:00

Love. Thats a feburay thing right? i dont ahve to do it all the time right? ha ha ha just kidding i dont thin i could go a day without loving someone. This month and tuesday just gives me a reason to show my love to other ppl. I love it.
well today in church Pastor Jon talked about Love go figure. ha ha
One thing he took sometime talking about was the ways to grow in Love with one another. That was something that i was right on page with him on. He was speaking from one of the many chapters about love, 1 Cor 13. He shared with us about love being an emotion, a state of being, an act, and a verb. All of those things are love and describe love. I also feel that you need to have a balance of each thing listed to have a deeper love. It was great to hear. One other thing was said about the ways to grow in love. He basically set up four ways to grow in love with others. NOt just int he romanctc love but in friendship and aquantaice love.
1.BE vonerable. If this happens you will share your life with ppl and grow deeper together with them.
2. BE jealsous of the one you love. Meaning, guard the one you love and be protective of them.
3. BE forgiving. In every relationship we will screw up at some point. Forgive.
4. NEVER GIVE UP! Things are gunna be tough because God never said living in an unperfect world would be easy so persevere.
All these spoke to me. But the second and last two the most. First off am i being protective of the ones i love. Yes there are a loage number of ppl who i love but am i being protective of them and guardinng them and sepeaking well of them? That is tough to answer. In the worst of times when i am being treated like Crap by them do i still speak well of them and think good things of them? Thats a hard one somedays when all you feel like is you have been severly hurt by the ones you love. But i am working on that. I think this fits right in with what i was writing before. that it is hard to see the good in everyone. But its a skill to be worked on.
Also, the last point. this one is easy for me. seeing as alot of the closefriendships i have a from ppl om the otherside of canada. Its easy to use distance as a reason for not laying down my life for ppl. But that shouldnt be a factor. Its a rough call tho. But yes. Giving up is easy whe you have not spoken with a person in a whlie and you are busy and not thinking of them everyday cause they are not just right there. Also, love is tough. Because it hurts to love at points and it hurts to recieve at points. Sometimes we need it more than others and we expect it more and other times we are to wiling to give it out (if there is such a thing). This tho to me is a simple but hard task. When you bring somone in to a close loving relationship, where you in that case would lay downyour life for them, you need to never give up and try and fail and try again. Always trying and making things work. You dont just fall outta love. Once loved always loved. yes you may grow a bit apart but you still do love this person deep down. Well thats what i think at least.
One more thing tha i picked up this morn was John 15:13, Greater love has no one thn this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Now yes ok its not everyday that you have a gun to your friends head with a person saying i'm gunna kill you. But what does this look like in our own worlds. well do you do what is nescessary to at all times look out for your friends. Do you put them first even if you have had a busy week or are involved in so much? Do you make an effort in the relationship? The last question hits me. do i make an effort?....yes i answer that but others dont. And that at some points can be true but should i look at it that way no. I should be glad to have this friend who i know loves me but soemtimes doesnt make an effort for me. Thats so hard, and it seems so unrealistic for me. I am a type of person who needs some loven from other ppl especially my close friends. When i feel like i have been the one putting i the effort for a while i will not call for a while and let them call me for a change or somethig like that. sometimes inn doing this i get hurt or i am sad, beause i feel that my friends dont love me. But is that really it or are they just busy with their lives and such. I dunno i guess that is why they say you will only have a few ppl who you have a true loving relationship with and in those terms i mean friendship love. I dunoo...I guesss love is just a mystery and it will always take alot of work. But the good thing is the rewards are amazing. Smiles.
Peace. Pray for my sickness.

Experienceing Life.

2006-02-09T09:11:00.000-08:00

As my days go on here on earth i try to please God and bring glory to Him. thats the plan. But as i continue this week i see a downward spiral of emotions and hurt from one area of my life. It sucks because the majority of otehr things are fine but its just that one section that knocks you right off your nikkers. I dunno i am so hurt that i dont even want to deal with it anymore. And thats not right. I always deal with things. I dunno this time its different cause i am being accussed and over something so small. I am hurt by it forsure. And the way it was approched. Also, in life there are battles we all have to choose what ones we want to fight and what ones we want to walk away from. I am confused on this one cause i think this is one where i will walk away on. Its a good thing and i am so glad to say this so that it puts closure and shuts the door on it. I am not closing it completely but enough for me not to think about it anymore. whooo whooo....ya good thing i got this out.
In other news, Dave and i are doing well. He has been spoiling me this week and i love it. We have had alot of really good convos this week and have grown so close in a couple days. its great!!
As for Youth Church, I have a meeting tommrow and am so excited for it. I am pumped cause i get to share my passion with a room full of ppl who also love youth. I am really excited but alittle nervous but as i plan things out it all dissapears. Whoo, Anywase, i should get back work...yeeee boaring. come and visit sometime, i would love it.
Otherwise, keep on experiencing you life and living it for God.

rediculus.

2006-02-07T14:33:00.000-08:00

Interperation. Something we use everyday. We use it to read, write, hear and see things of this life. Its something that we all take for granted. But mind you it has two sides to it. I know for me, i can interpreate things that were said in the wrong way that they were meant. Its a skill i have that i ddint know i had. But i took alot of things personally. It sucked. I lived a life feeling worthless and crazppy. But besides that. My point is that everyone has filters, as i call them, and these filters cause each of us to see things differntly. Sometimes it can be for the better and other times for the worst. But in its original text is the most important. the way that the person said it to you or someone else is the most important. I know i am sure not perfect at this one but i am getting better. Its hard to see the good in everyone. But thats the challenge in interpreation. Arg. well thats my little venting for today.
Sorry if any information has came across in the wrong way to anyone who reads my blog if you are having trouble with some interpretations please, before assuming what you think it says give me a shout and ask me. thanks ya all.

rediculs...

2006-02-07T14:07:00.000-08:00

Interpretaion. something that we do everyday when we read something. Each of us have different filters that the items we read runs through. Therefore crateing us to see and read thing differently. When i read something when i am feeling upset i will make it seem hurtful to me and take it more personal. But when i am in a happy mood i will read things that ppl are intentionally meaning to be sad and i will trun happy. for me it depends on how i am doing that day and how i read something and the person it comes from. But it is unique has God has given us this gift of interpretation to use everyday without even knowing it. I know that i need to shape my interpretation skills up b/c i do have those filters. But i tell you last year i worked on that one like crazy. I now still am challenged each day to use the skill in the approprate ways. Its a hard one but try it. And if you are unsure if you are reading it or hearing it rite just ask the person who it orginionally came from or ask an un basis friend and see how they interprate it. Arg. My rant for today.

endure.

2006-02-02T10:08:00.000-08:00

Well i have been qick sick feeling lately. I have had a flare up with my ulcertive colitis and feel like i want to spend my whole day on the toliet. AH! i hate it. So pray for my stomach. Pray for healing. Ohh man its crazy thats for sure. In other news i have been feeling alittle sperate from the worldthis week cause u have had so much going on i cant keep up. I meant with KT from high school and that was really good. I was glad to see her and hear about how she is doing and what not. I also had a great reminisance time with her. it was good to see her. she is so awsome whoot whoot. anywase, back to work i go see ya. Pray.

...the Journey...

2006-01-30T07:23:00.000-08:00

Well today is an exciting but unbeliveable day at the same time. At 330 today i present to the excutive director of YFC about the idea of starting a Youth Church in stratford. So wow. i cant belive this is happening. its crazy. Well i am all prepared and ready to go...i think....he will ask me hard questioons and i hope i can answer them all. I know i will be fine i am just phycing my self out here.
Well other than that the weekend was alot of fun ana and i went to yuk yuks on friday and that was pretty funny some of it was too rude of humar but for the most part it wzas good. Then we went to the bar and hung out with some friends and then i went home by likt 12 ish. HA AH ya a late nite gurl at the bar am i..not. Then on saterday i celebrated my birthday with some ppl. it was exciting for me. whoooo whooo. And then dave and i went to his house for his brothers birthday celebrations and such. ON sunday i slept for a long time and decided that i wanted to see dave so i went out to help with chores and such. It was fun but he was asleep by like 10 and i was like...hello hello anyone there....i was wired and he was dead. funny how we are.

ON saterday dave and i also had a good serious chat about us and about things we dont like easchother doing and stuff like that...so it was a good convo serious and yet very good. He contributed and i contributed and we accomplished alot. it was nice.
well i gues is should go back to wrok whooo whooo....not i am soo board. oh well. i can take it cause God gave me a joba nd i am over whelmingly happy for one. So thanks God for the blessing.

...the Journey...

2006-01-19T18:46:00.001-08:00

WOW my birthday is only a week away!! HOw exciting. I dunno what i will be doing for it but i hope i will do soemthing for it. I misshaving a huge social group and going out for it. But i am sure i will get something going at my house or something. I just wish someone would through me a suprise party that would be sweet. Amanda wont be here Rodney wont be here everyone is gone for my birthday. Sadness. I will probley just sit at home with the parents and do nothing. ha ha ha. Oh well. Anywase, dave and i are doing well. It is still challenging to be in a realtionsip but as it happens it is getting easier. Pray.

...the Journey...

2006-01-19T18:46:00.000-08:00

Weekend.

2006-01-09T13:54:00.000-08:00

WOW this is the story of my life..well...lately i wish it was. i have been soo tired lately. I have had alot going on and been super surronded my drama. Oh my, its been wild. Well this weekend was soo good. Amanda and i went for a walk/hike togetehr and that was really fun just the two of us hanging out together. Then we had a gurls nite which we both fell asleep early on! ha ha. Oh well. Then we went to london to see my grandma. Oh soo sad. Pray for her as she has surgery today and tommrow is still in the hospital. my mom is also dealing with this as any daughter would, very harshly. On the up side of my weekend. I went to a dance conference and it was amazing. I loved it. I had alot of fun and i learnt some new things. But i am not reall that good of a dancer compared to all the others. WOW some of them are amazing. Then i came back to Daves house and i had supper with his family. that was really fun he has an amazing family. we did chores together and haung out at his house then we went to see his grand parents. Ohh my crazy i know! I was feeling kindda weird yesterday. I meant his grand parents and i hung out with his family and i dunno how to explain what i was feeling. I am feeling alittle overwhelmed cause this all seems to be good but i dunno it seems so fast but yet not. Anywase, this week we can only hang out friday so this will giv us a break and let things settle abit which will be good. Who knew being in a relationship was so hard and so much work. Crazy!

Absolut love.

2006-01-05T16:33:00.000-08:00

So the past couple of days hads contained alot of expereicenes but every one has been about Love or soemthing like it. Ha ha ha ha. Ummm...tues, i had a dinner at nite with the youth leaders it was so good to just hang out and have supper with them all. I love our team and will miss some of them cause they are moving aways for school and such. I miss them all ready. Anywase, that nite was good until Rodney and i ahd a fight...the same fight as we did before. I was so sad and i cried in front of him and then went over to amandas house to deal with her side of things. But all in all i think things are ok but tell ya it is hard to see them all cuddlie together, especially when it is just the three of us hanging out. OHH MY! i hate it.
anywase, so dave come over last nite and we talked about and set some boundaries on our relationship cause we need to have those. And also we decided that we would pray togetehr and that we would center our relationship around God. I am quite excited about this. ya. boo ya.
Also last nite i sawe liz my best friend who i have lost contcat with but she and i see each other a bit. But she waas over last ntie and it was really good i was soo excited to see her. Ha she makes me laugh. I love her.
well tonite i went to see grandma and she isnt doing so well sadness. But other the other hand...she is doing well for what is is going through. God heal her. God help her. God comfort her. Pray for her.

The Best Nite of All

2006-01-03T07:16:00.000-08:00

So I was hoping to hang out with MAnada and Rodney last nite but that didnt happen because they were too busy. So i talked to a couple ppl from BC and then this guy who i have been talking to you about came on. Oh ya by the way his name is Dave. Last nite then he invited me over to his house, Ah scary he has 5 other siblings and two parents. AHHHH!! so regardless i went over to his house...nervous and have alot of butterflies in my tummy for sure. Then He toured me around and such. His house is huge. Anyway, that doesnt matter, we then went downstairs and hung out watching a movie. Although i really dont know why we do this cause we obviously cant watch movies togetehr cause we can never really pay attention to them. He talks way too much!!! ha ha ha no it is the both of us. I just like to blame him. SMiles. Umm so YA we are sitting there on the couch all cuddled up and cozy. I love to be all close to him wait i just like to cuddle (you know it) At one point we were even holding hands...awe soo cute. Oh man. this is soo crazy. Then we deicided that we were offical now. Ya its so crazy. I am not usually like this but, WOW there is something different for sure about this one. HAa haa we had the convo about past relationsihps last nite it was well needed and yet left kinnda open ended..but i am sure it will be brought up again. And we also talked about what God was speaking to me about yesterday. Then funny story as i was backing out of his drive way i went right off the drive way and then got stuck so we had to dig my car out...ohh my! it was soo funny i was laughing but i kinnda felt bad cause he needs to be sleeping and it was late like 1 ish and i left like at 130 ish and he had to be at work at 6 this morning....owwch! so lets just say God help him and give him strenth to make it through the day. Tonite we will not be able to see each other and we will probly not talk either.....oh well we are both busy tonite and it is only going to get harder after this week. Cause he goes back to school two nites a week and i go back to dance and youth and accountability(if my partner will ever want to do it). So our weeks will be busy but that just means that we will enjoy the time that we spend together even more. But as for now i am still in the infactuation stage for sure...and i want to be around him all the time...but by last nites convo He is in it for the long hull so i am pretty sure i should just calm down and Stop being so gurlly!.....

lessons in life.

2006-01-02T15:19:00.000-08:00

The day of days the week of weeks. Wow. I have learnt so much and yet been on what seems to ave been an emotional roller coster. My week started off with some great family times which is both hard and yet rewarding. Then it went to shopping which is always fun and then back to work as usual. Then out with friends and hanging out with new friends. Then to my friends and i getting into a fight..our first one...over two of them getting together...stupid. But hurtful. And all this fun boy stuff on top of all this. Oh my. Lets just say that my new year started off kinnda slow because the past week was so crazy! I was happy to sad to confused to hurt to excited to joyful to giggles to tears to smiles as big as i can make them. Oh man it was and emotional week.
But on the other hand looking at the highlites my sister is getting married and i am her maid of honour, I had a couple good days with my family, I meant an amazing boy who will prob be around for a while, i chatted with some old friends, i didnt feel sick for more than a day, and i got to be real with everyone. But looking at the bad things, two of my best friends and i had a fight and it was really hurting, I realized that my only grand parent left might not really make it thought the surgery next monday and i am alone at work with no breaks in a day and dont really feel appreciated. But as you can see the good out weigh the bad by far.
But as we start this new year i was thinking about how much has happened in the past year and i am flabber gased in all the things that have happened. WOW. I have grown so much and i am totally different than what i was before. Its amazing. Also, i was chatten with God yesterday and we were talking about how far i ahve made it in the past year. With everyting that has happened to me and every obsticle that has been throwen at me and how we conquered it together. One thing that i said at the begining of last year was that i wanted to become a true women of God. I remember reading all about what that would look like and what requirements that would be. I thought that i could never reach it, however the other day i got told i was a great young women of God with a viverent heart for him. I was so touched. God does wonderous things even when we are not expecting them to happen. It amazes me how even tho i feellike i am lost and longing for more of God some times to the total oppistite where i feel i dont want to talk to him really....but yet He continues to reward me and bless me with random things. I am reading titus this week and focusing on it and what God has to say to me thought it. Today the third chapter and first verse seemed to really conect with me, It reads : Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility towards all men. Looking at this it brings me to a point where i feel like this can be my missions statement for my life. the one that hit me the most was to be be obedient and ready todo whatever is good, wow..take a min to thik about that. NO matter what time it is or what month it is take time to do what is good. I was driving home from church yesterday when i saw these two ppl out on the road picking up something on the pavement, so i thought to myself that i could go and offer them some help but i justified saying Nan they look like they are doing things fine and they have it under control. But according to this verse....to be obedient and ready to do whatever is Good. So as i continue to llook at what this book is getting at and more of what this verse is saying i challenge you to look at it and see what you hear God saying to you to go out and do. Maybe it is simple like helping an old person cross the road or maybe it is someting more time consuming or character building. I know that as i look more into this God will be teling me to do some pretty hard things that will deffintly build my character. Happy learning.
Also, If you think of it when in pray please pray for my grandma as the doctors dont really know what is wrong with her but they will hopefully be able to fix it and make her in better health. Also pray for my mom as it is really hard on her, i catch her crying some days and it makes me cry to thinka bout how sad it must be to be thinking that you might loose your mom. So pray for her well basically pray for the hole cfamily we are all alittle tipsy about it and emotional about it right now. so pray cause i know God will work here for the good cause he does in all cirucmstances. thanks everyone.
And remember....peanut butter jelly time...peanut butter jelly time.....

latz

WoW!

2006-01-01T20:59:00.000-08:00

He came and picked me up and drove and he opened my door and closed it. He held doors for me and treats me like a true lady as he is a true gent. I love it. buts going to be hard to get use to but i do really like it. SMILES>He's comical, but there is one problem we can be quiet when around eachother...we love to talk to eachother. All smiles.

Giggles like a little gurl

2005-12-31T19:33:00.000-08:00

I giggle and i smile from ear to ear. I laugh at everything and i cant really wipe a smile off my face. I am flattered and feel like a true little gurl when she meets a boy who she likes. I cant help but get excited when i speak about him and i certainly cant help that my cheeks go a nice rosie red when i get teased about him. Besides the fact that we dont cheer for the same hockey team we are pretty much a good match. And all this stems from us hanging out for the first time by ourselves today. He came over and we watched a movie or tried to but we chatted all though it. We cant seem to not talk, good thing. He has two pins in his wrist and a scar across his wrist. When he smiles his cheeks rise up and make his eyes sparkle. Its cute. Anywase, We like eachother and we talked about that today and we are to have another date prob some time this week. I dunno what to say we are not boyfriend and girlfriend but i would say that we are dating or hanging out together, alone. Its funny because i told God that i didnt want to Date anyone for a while and i thought that 30 would be a good age to start again but i guess God has different plans. So pray for us as we search for what God would like us to do. And as we pray i will smile and giggle from ear to ear and be a little school girl. Smiles.

2005-12-31T19:13:00.000-08:00

what ever

The chronicals of Fayes nite..

2005-12-30T18:49:00.000-08:00

Smiles. Smiles and more smiles.
Well my nite started off with a good friend rodney and i driving in his car chatting and to be honest that hasnt happened in a while and i was soo lacking and missing it. I am soo glad it happened. just the two of us. We always have such good and interesting convos but for some reason they only really happen when we are driving and not really anywhere else. Oh well at least they happen. He makes me smile and laugh and apperently i laugh funny. i love that boy emencly and i am so blessed to know him. Thanks be to God for such a great friend. Then we parted and went our seperate ways.
So i went out with my friend shaun from the pool. It was fun our friend Jess was having a party so we went. I loved her party although it was alot of old ppl from high school but there was this guy who i meant who is so splended! We chated basically the whole time i was there and b4 i left i gave him my number and e-mail. Ha its weird cause i dont usually do that or promte the whole pick gurls up thing...but it was good to meet him. I left with his contact and went to another persons house where we were for a bit and chatted. then i came home at around 1ish. And of course, signed on to MSN were i was already added to this guys List and then of cousre he was online and we chatted for a while till like 2. Then we both got offcause we work in the mornings and then i chatted with my friend tamar because she is going thourgh a difictult time right now. Make sure you pray for her regardless if you know her God does so it doesnt really matter> anywase, i had alot of fun last nite sleep deprived but fun and very much being a gurl last nite. ha h ah
SMILES SMILES AND MORE SMILES>

...the Journey...

2005-12-30T18:38:00.000-08:00

OK so its Christmas time so the family is over. Oh my thats fun my sister is now engaged and to be wed in 2007. whoot whoot and i am the maid of honour...wow crazy@! But in other news my dad really wanted to watch a movie with all of us soo tonite seems to be the nite and ohh my way to much for me. He wanted to watch "40 year old virgin" I was quite unsure about it all. But i thought i would try out some of it and ohh no i walked out of the room it is sick. I am sadened by our world that revolves around sex and that uses sex to sell and get the attention of anything. Its sad.
But in other news my holidays were good. I enjoyed them. I got a digital camera and juicer and some other things. But those two are the most exciing ones to me. I was soo excited to recive a juicer. It is soo neat. Who knew how good juice could be at home. Yummy. So our boxing day shopping was fun to as usual. The mall wasnt that packed and stuff but there wernt as many sales on i dont think well in some stores like garage with 4$ shirts. That was nuts.
anywase, i started work again on wednesday and that was ok. back to the boaringness of the pool whoot whoot! Oh well at least i get to see all the members again and hear how their holidays went. I enjoy them alot. thats the best part. Smiles.
well not to much else new. i will journal a seperate entry for my adventures last nite. but other wise i still got alot of family stuff b4 the 3rd but well thats the way it goes i guess.

snow and that slushie stuff

2005-12-20T07:24:00.003-08:00

and here goes nothing. It is snowing like mad and there are white out everywhere outside of starttty but yet i still made it into work whooohhoooo..boo...i came in with my dad and i tell ya one day i will have a heart attack with his driving. it scares me soo much. Ah. Well alot of nothing tooo exciting has happened but i have been keeping busy and therfore not writing on here. I am tring not to be on the computer as much either b/c i find myself being on here way way way too much. On the other hand it is needed to keep my work stuff going. Well i should be off soon i will have to get back to work. My Birthday is on thursday whoot whoot...its tommroow. YA YA umm...also...i have a doctors appointment on friday and that shall be tough but hopefuly it gopes well. This will be the first time in ont that i ahve seen a gasolaigist and so he could have me do alot of tests and hurt me more. And my tummy has been hurting more anywase, but i thiknk that is just b/c of the appointment coming up that my tummy is feeling gross about it. Anywase, i should go back to work.....no one is really coming in today soo....i am basically here on my own in the poool for a while. So my break is done in 15 so i shoudl go chat and be back for the kids who come down.

oHH MY!

2005-12-20T07:24:00.002-08:00

Crazy am I! I am feeling like i am going insane today. I wasnt up too too late but it was like 11-12 ish but today i feel like a slug and i have to work until 430 so 7am to 430 pm in a pool with nothing todo but just sit and star and think soo boaring. Well to add to all this the chlorine is reading off the charts which means that the pool has about 15ppm of chlorine in it. jIt is hard to explain what that means but that there is way way way too much CL in the pool enough that you feel slimy and your mounth tastes funny or has a slippery taste. It is distusting. Ewww i hate it. And i have to breath it in...EWW. Not good for me. Well lats just say i want to go home today because i am feeling alittle light headed and alittle sick to my stomach. ohh man and the day has still so much to come....its only 1130 AH! let me out of this jail cell.

oHH MY!

2005-12-20T07:24:00.001-08:00

...hard part of the Journey...

2005-12-18T19:07:00.000-08:00

Pray for my family. It is a really rough time right now. Pray for me as i try to deal with it.

weekend experience

2005-12-18T04:55:00.000-08:00

The weekend so far has been amazing. Rodney and Amanda have been busy this weekend so i have been hanging outw ith different people and i love that. As i have been talking about in past blogs there is this boy who i meant at work His name is actually Shaun. Well ya, we hung out on friday with his friends in this shop/garage type. It was an intresting nite because...it was a disco nite and to tell ya the truth i dont really like disco. But oh well . We danced, and they did other things that teenagers/young adults do in a hard stage of their lives. Shaun and i are soo odd together its weird. We are almost the same person but not. Seeing as i am a gurl and he is a boi. Anywase, so shaun and i have the same size plugs(ear peircings) and we were talking about how we have to go and get some jewllery together. I was thinking of going shopping anywase on saterday too i asked him if he wanted to come with me. So what turned into a 5 person trip and started out to be a simple trip with just a 2 ppl. Crazy. And to be honest i really only wanted three at the most but oh well all the more ppl to get to know and be able to share my life with them. So I got to meet shauns really good gurl friend named Megan and ohh man she is beautiful and soo amazingly fun. She also is just like Shaun and I. So after we shoped for a bit we went to McDonalds..eewww! Then came home. It was a crazy day i tell ya. When we were at home we all went over to the shop house again and it was ok, some good conversations and such. I got really sadened by this one guy who i use to hang out/know in highschool. He is almost 21 and he doesnt care about anyone or anything. He treats his friends like crap and he brags about getting super high and going in to work. I think that something mentally was not developed properly. I know that is harsh to say but seriously. I dunno....I cry for him because he longs for acceptance and real love but doesnt know where to get it and so he tries in this stuff that he does. To be honest i see it hurting him more then he thinks or he can realize and it doesnt ful fill him in no ways. Anywase, so part of my nite was watching sound of music with Trina. She is sweet. After this guy and i talked which went good he doesnt handle serious convo's very well and stuff but he does with me for some reason. Strange. But good. Then i left to go home. But i couldnt go home so i went back and had a convo with Shaun because i didnt feel to well at all. however, after we talked i felt alot better and i think that we became better friends. That conversation did wonders for me i dunno why but i feel like alot has been lifted off of me now..its stange. I think it was something that God wanted me to deal with and release me from. Then i drove home and couldnt sleep. But anywase, i need to go cause i need to be a church soon and i am there all day basically with the jr. high youth guys because we are having our chirstmas party. After that i come home where i will be baking short bread cookies and then seeing my friend Liz who i havent seen in a while and miss soo much. I am excited to see her soo much.
later dayz..

Blessed

2005-12-15T19:52:00.000-08:00

In one simple word is how i can describe today. I am feeling thankful today. I am thankful for alot of things. Everything i have would not have been possible with out God regarless of what others say God made it possible. Thanks God for blessing me.
Another great blessing today was the boy from work calling me. We chatted for a bit and he made me laugh alot and once again be a gurl but it was funny. But here is a twist you wouldnt have seen coming in the story. Well my bestest friend Amanda, she is his God sister. Ohh my soo she knows him and every thing they even danced at a cousins wedding. oh my funny times. Well besides that we talked and such oh i enjoy speaking with him. And he asked me to go out with them and hang out tommrow. So i am totally stocked. But one bad thing is that i know that there will be alot of substances there and i need to be strong and not give up my morals. Ohh man cause that would be bad. So pray that as i go and hang out with him and some of our mutual friends tommrow that i will see Gods presence everywhere i go.
Anywase, if you are wondering why i am wrting alot lately it is because i made a commitment to myself that i will try to be doing more of the things i enjoy and writing on here or journaling is something i really enjoy. ha ha
Anywase, peace and thanks for the prayers.

boaring

2005-12-14T15:13:00.000-08:00

Well today i tried to make my job fun. Which is very hard to do...but i made a scavenger hunt for the Lifeguards to do next week and at the end of the scavenger hunt there will be a plate of cookies. I am rather excited about this. I think it will be fun. There are no more lessons at nite so they will just be guarding so why not give them something to do. I follow the saying "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Anywase, well nothing else really exciting today but i did teach aqua fit for the first time by myself today. It was fun i laugh at myself tho. but h well. Well i have dance soon and i am quite excited for that cause next week we have a mini recital. I am really excited for it. I love proforming...and speaking of dance i am hopeing to go to this conference and take lyrical dancing (which is dancing with the words.) Then hoopefully i will get a chance to preform somewhere at some point. that would be a life dream for me.
Well catch ya' on the flip'

...the fun.

2005-12-13T19:53:00.000-08:00

So i went out with my friend from the pool tonite. we had lots of fun. HE is a great guy and i do enjoy spending time with him. I am friends with alot of the ppl who he hangs out with which is funny. He was like "wow you know everyone" I laughed. But a highlite of the nite was that he said that i look pretty. I was like....ohh yaa....ha ha. He makes me become more of a gurl thats for sure. I find myself giggling and laughing again. Which is good cause that is who i am and lately i havent been feeling like myself too much. But for some reason when i am around him it feels like i can be myself. Another good thing he said tonite was that he likes to be around me because i give him a good feeling, or that i give off good karma. I enjoy that, which means he will like to be around me, and i dont mind that one bit. So your probably thinking to yourself ohh no...Faye has found someone she will be dating in no time. Well not excally, He doesnt quite mesure up to my standards and i WONT lower them so he can fit in, even tho he is incedably easy to talk to and hansome!! :) ha ha... Anywase, i hope to see him on friday possibly. I really hope me continue to become good friends. SMILES>?

...the Journey...

2005-12-13T14:52:00.000-08:00

Well at this stage in my journey i am having difficulty. My boss at work got mad at me today. He is a very agressive type person, at least in conflict. He didnt make me feel to good today. I actually sat at the pool side and cryed on and off for the afternoon. It was harsh. He treated me like i was Mat to be steped on. AH. i cant take that. My dad was like that and is liek that. He treats me like i am some little person that can just be walked over and that their feelings dont actually matter. WOW. i cant do that> its bad enough that if i want to go to the bathroom i have to call up and ask someone to come down and not always can someone. But to have me locked down in tha basement and all alone all day....then you yell at me. WOW> i cant do it. i am in awe. I dunno how much more i can take this job it is really hard on me emotionally physically and mentally. I feel worn out from doing nothing, but siting or walking around and watching the pool. Oh my i cant do it some times. Anwyase, pray for the job.

Oh ya, there is a fun guy who i meant the other nite...and i know what you are all thinking OHH AWWW>..but no he is a really cool guy he works at the pool and we got along instantly. I am to hang out with him sometime soon. Megs you would really like him...if you know what i mean. ha ha

PEACE>

time goes by

2005-12-06T14:46:00.000-08:00

Wow! so alot has happened since i last really wrote on here but ohh wel time has just slipped by. Anywase, let me tell you about my relevlation from on saterday. Well i snowed alot here that past day and i wanted to just go outside and play in the snow and so i did. I went out and built two snowmen. But that wasnt all there was too it. As i woke up that day all i could think about was all this stuff i ahd to do and how i had been on the go for way too long lately. So i decided to push everything back one more day and just take a day to myself and be me. Well building the snow men was Gods way of showing me that if i dont have time to enjoy or do the small things in life how can i do the things God has called me too big or small. I am a person who will do the little things as well as the big things with high regard. I do all that i can to the best i can. Seeing as i do it not for me but i work as tho i am working for the Lord. So this week is my relax week. Where do the things i enjoy like just be. I am also getting a cold so this also modivates me to be in bed at a decent time and to look after myself. So i dont have much on my schedual and dont plan on doing too much more this week but i will do the things i need to or want to do. Like read and investigate this "relevation" God has given me for Stratford. Its cool.
So i learnt how to knit and i love it. My grandma taught me and i have since made 2 and a half scarfs in 3 weeks. It is a great activity for me to do while at the pool cause i can do it and still be watching the swimmers.
On sunday i went with my friend jonny to see his other friends from school and wow i love them. They were so fun and just what i needed to laugh and to remember who i truly am. Also, we had some prayer time and some shareing time which was soo good i loved it. I hope to stay friends with them. Also one of the gurls knew one of my friends from life teams Megs. it was weird. It proves to me again to be a small world.
As for my health is it going well . i went to see a natural path last week or the week before and well she did me well. I am feeling much better. But on the other hand my liver is hurting. BOO> it has hurt sinice i was in high school but it never hurt enough to get it lokked at. then when i was at the docs he pushed on it i almost kicked him. OH man. the pain was intense and i have to extra careful with things especially on my right rib cage. So no belly flops on concrete..ha ha ha....So i am taking supliments and thigs to make my body feel better and it seems to be working. The up side of that is that i am not polluting my body too. WHOOT WHOOT>
i better go its almost 7 and thats my bed time tonite, So later days.

set the pace

2005-11-26T18:09:00.000-08:00

as i walk forwards i realize i have to look backwards at the things that i have done or left behind in my journey.

Anywase, lifes been busy lately and ohh man i am finding it hard to even have one nite to myself so every week i pick a nite where that nite is all for me. ONLY ME> it is soo needed i am much an extraverted person but i totally need to be by myself some times.
anywase here is an up datethis is my prayer letter soo sorry that it may not be soo fun for you....

Dear Friends, Nov 17, 2005
Wow, I find it hard to believe that, I have been at home in Sebringville, Ontario for about two months now. To my surprise, God is also in Stratford just as much as he was in Vancouver - who knew that God could be in two places at once J From the time when I came home I have dealt with struggles and have had many successes.
Coming home for me is much harder then what it is for some, coming from a Christian supported living to a pre-Christian or non-Christian living setting. Living with my parents is a hard thing because I don’t want to see either of my parents die and not spend eternity with Jesus. It always is a challenge to come home to a place where my family doesn’t understand who I am, what I am about, or why I do the things I do. Currently though my dad is asking me questions and reading the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. This is quite exciting to see God work in someone so important to you as your parents. Pray that as my dad continues to read the book that God would speak to him and continue to stir up questions in his heart.
When I decided to come back home I didn’t really know why I was doing it, I just knew I had to. At first it was frustrating cause there were no jobs available, my car broke down to a point that I had to get a new one, my colitis was acting up, my parents were on my case, and I felt like I had no friends. I asked God many times why I was home because I didn’t see a good side to things. But I remained faithful to God and said to myself “God is faithful. God will pull through.” My thoughts we true and within a week God had rewared me for being faithful. I got a job working at the YMCA as a daytime lifeguard and I got a cheap but good car, and I managed to make two very good friends.
So what’s next, You may ask? Well I don’t really know! I find that as the pool is quite and very isolated, I have lots of time to myself and I can basically use it as I please, just as long as I am watching the water…sometimesJ . As a result, I have been using the time at the YMCA to pray and have more conversations with God. Where God has been giving me a vision and a stronger passion to work is with young people. I would appreciate it if you would pray as I go though this “transition” period - as I listen to God and search His journey for my life. Pray also that God would continue to use me to impact the youth who I come in contact with.
Also, as many of you know, this summer I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. Ulcerative colitis is a disease that causes inflammation and sores, called ulcers, in the lining of the large intestine. The inflammation usually occurs in the rectum and lower part of the colon, but it may affect the entire colon. The inflammation makes the colon empty frequently, causing diarrhea. Ulcers form in places where the inflammation has killed the cells lining the colon; the ulcers bleed and produce pus. Right now I think I am in a state of remission where I am not experiencing much pain or symptoms. This disease is causing me to eat certain foods which my body can digest and deal with. Currently I am not taking many drugs, only vitamins, but I am still seeing a doctor once a month and sometimes even two or three doctors a month. Please pray for complete healing.
This past weekend I also attended a leadership conference with Youth For Christ. This training week was exciting because I got to meet a lot of other people who are passionate about youth and reaching the next generation for Jesus Christ. My favourite part was meeting people who poured into me and wanted to see me grow. Every morning one of the training team members gave a devotional. On Wednesday morning, Brett Andrews, who is the National Director of Leadership and Resources for Youth For Christ Canada, shared with us a quote: “How will we reach a generation that listens with its eyes and thinks with its feelings?” That is a beautiful question because it shows the reality of how youth understand things. He later answered the question with, “We will reach them by proclaiming a gospel that is not only heard but seen and felt.” That whole statement to me is astonishing because it speaks truth. Youth want to see and feel things not just hear them.
So pray as I go on living in Ontario - living a real Jesus like life. May He bless you and keep you well throughout the rest of the year. Thank you once again for your support and love for the life God has given me.

Sincerely,
Faye Smith
(check me out online for a more day by day update at www.throughthegreatunknown.blogspot.com)

Thank You..
To my home church Memorial Baptist who sponsored me to attend the Leader Shaping conference with Youth for Christ. I couldn’t have went with out your support.
Suzi Higgins who year after year shares her life with me and guides me in all walks of life.
Frank Braun who encouraged me to continue with Youth For Christ.
Amanda Laycox who keeps me accountable and loves me day after day
Ruth Smith who invited me over for lunch and shared her wisdom with me
To my small group who continues my thinking and gives a great sense of community
YFC staff who provide a sense of family in just a week
Rob, Iona, Jan, and Brian who set amazing examples for me to follow last year and challenged me to become a real woman of God
To the YMCA for providing work for me and great staff to work with
To my parents for having patience with me
Rodney Robinet who continues to show me what a young man of God looks like
To the Maranger family for continually showing your love and support for me
To everyone who has been praying for my health. Especially memorial for keeping the bulletin updated and praying for healing
The many people in British Columbia who have touched my life and shared Gods journey through their lives with me
To the LifeTeamers,’ of my year or the years before who pray and support me
To the Youth who I’ve gotten to know and each one of you has taught me so much
To my family for many reasons
To YC who is my family also
To my small group who challenges me and walks with me
Youth Net members as you continue to remind me of the unity that Jesus wants for us
Youth for Christ family for always believing in me and encouraging me
To the Doctors who look after me
To each one of you who have cared for me and influenced me in some sort of way that helped in my journey of life

Thank You most importantly to God who is so super duper amazing and continues to put me in awe of all that he does. Thank you for continually speaking to me, comforting me, guiding me, loving me, showing me grace, forgiveness, mercy, for being who you are and allowing me to see who you truly are. It’s all possible from you offering your son so that I could live thanks God, I love you.

...Beauty...

2005-11-08T19:35:00.000-08:00

it is so beautiful outside lately. between the rain and the sunny days with the beautiful autum days it is amazing. Thank you God for giving us such a beautiful place to live.

:.:.Credit where Credit is due:.:.

2005-11-07T22:14:00.000-08:00

the particial side
only half seen
noticed for the part that is seen
but the part unseen goes unnoticed, uncared for
until that one person notices
they go out of their way to look at it
observe it from all angles
see it for its true and natural beauty

many times people will only see one side of me
I dont like this
i try to be real at all points
but i get energized by people
casuing me to be different in the way i am with them vs. the way i am with myself
it is had to not scream out
"pay attention to me"
I am a real person too
i do need love and affection
from the others around me
i need fellowship
i need you,
you take care of all my worries
you comfort me like none other
who makes me strong when i am weak
you do
you do so much that i notice
But like this picture
i only see half or not even
you are mysterious and i like that
how come i donlt always give you creidt

The day.

2005-11-02T23:21:00.000-08:00

Well what a glorious day. I had an hour off at the pool today cause there were no pre schoolers in. So i walked around in the nice sun shine. IT was great to be outside in the middle of the day and be outside in fresh air instead of the chlorine crap air i breath. Well then for the rest of my work i wasnt that board. I hoped in the pool and did easypace which is this aqua fit kinnda class for seniors but i like it. Then also my friend emily comes in on wednesdays and that is fun cause she stays and talks for a bit. Then i also made up a christmas list for the things i will be getting ppl. And i read some stuff.
Tonite i went to dance class and it was a fun nite. Where we got into groups and we made dances on our own. It was soo fun and interesting to do. Our team is the older ones in class and we are making a sick awsome dance. We are falling like dominos and everything. Its not sexual but its Hip Hop. I love it. I have a Show at the end of the year and everyone who can sould come and see it.
Anywase, so i was reading my bible today. And i read this one story about how this one man came to Jesus saying my daughter is dead and you can heal her. Come with me to my place where she is and heal her you are the only one who can. So Jesus and His diciples got up and on the way to his place. A lady came and touched Jesus cloak. She thought that if she could only touch his cloak she would be healed. Jesus then turned to her and said "Take heart daughter, your faith ahs healed you." And the women was healed form that point on. This story reminds me of myself and how i know that God will heal me. He will take all of my stuff away. I just need to have the faith, in which i have lots of. I have faith and will love by faith. Walk by faith. Cause i know that God is Faithful no matter what. HE is the one and only true healer.
In other news God has also been playing with this idea or vision type thing in my brain. Just pray for that as it comes to more understanding. OK well i am off to bed. dead tired. and feeling sick

ok laters
(PS in the picture it is my friend mike and i at campp columbia in the summer. I love that boy and wished he lived closer as we would be too crazy for school together. )

The long days..

2005-10-31T17:42:00.000-08:00

So long time no writing, I do realize this. And i really dont have that good of excuse. Even if i try to give one i will fail. This one will be a long one just wot warn you. Anywase, Soo what is new with me. Well i dunno if i wrote it in here but, i am working as a lifeguard at the YMCA full time. Lately it has been boaring. Honestly sometimes i feel like i am in an insane is-i-lam (i dunno know how to spell it sound it out). And other times there are some friendly ppl who come in and chat with me. Like for instance there is this one guy named Laurie, he is amazing. He always shows concern for me and tells me about his life. He also has some bowl problems because he just went in for surgery on friday. He is ok now but there is alot more to come. Also there is this one guy from St. Marys, he comes in and is tring to build enderance to swim for long periods of time. Well he is one of the best ppl when he comes in he always asks me how i am and if i say ok he asks why? I dunno it is just really fun. He started at like 15 lenghts and now is at 34 today. He has only been here for about two weeks. He is doing amazing. Ya i enjoy the people part of it. But the hole being like at least 50 feet below ground level, with no windows and no proper ventalation system i get quite insane feeling. "I'm in a glass case of emotion" Ron Burgandy.
I also have been part of this program that my church is doing called 40 days of purpose. What this means is we are reading this book called the Purpose Driven Life and finding out what we are here for. Then we meet thoughout the week for small groups. Ohh my i tell you regardless of the reading of the books, I am getting so much out of the small groups. There is this one man named Wayne Broad andhe says things that really get to me. Like last week it was how we are living in eternaty right now. Ya forsure we are i guess i just didnt think about it that way before. Anywase, this week he said something that i have been focusing on for a while in my life. Tring to live a real life. Full of falling on our face infront of ppl and not hiding it when we do. I dunno i guess in some ways i am striving to be more transparent and more real in everything i do. Life for example i long to be the same person no matter where i am or who i am with. Anywase, this book has been a great building block for convos that are getting started just through the readings. To be honest i have read this book before and i dont really like it but this time i am liking it more probly cause i have an amazing group of ppl to read thorugh it with me.
......Oh highlites.....I hung out with this guy named Luke this week. We are friends through a friend in BC. He is very fun to be around and a great person. Also, i went to see some friends in milverton this weekend and that was soo much fun i avent seen those ppl in soo long. Although on person who i wanted to see i didnt get to see for very long. Matt Lichti oh man i love that boy. there is soemthing about him ever since i meant him that just makes me relaxed and soo comfortable around him. I have definitly missed him. But am glad we were able to see eachother for a bit the other day. Rodney and i also had a really good chat yesterday. Ohh man we are soo open and comfortable with one another. I love it A brother who can support me and challenge me. Its great. Amanda and i have also been hanging out alot. I thank God so much for her. Seriously, i dunno where i would be without her. She is very encouraging to me.
There is more news but i will have to share it tommrow. cause this is way too long.
Pray.
Peace out.

Some Krazy Pics Of Summer.

2005-10-31T14:55:00.000-08:00

2005-10-31T14:48:00.000-08:00

...Healing through prayer...

2005-10-22T07:18:00.000-07:00

OK so i write or try to write these update/prayer letters once a month. So here is this months. I just sent alittle one to ppl through e-mail. I plan on writing a larger more updated one tommrow. where when finished i will be pasteing it on the website for you to read but as for now here is this one.

Monday-
Hey everyone,
Thought that I would just send an updating e-mail so everyone kindda knows what is happening and how to pray for me if they would like too in regards to my health. So as of june i was begining to not feel my usual self. I then in July began to see odd things when i went to the bathroom. It then got so bad that i couldnt eat anything with out it coming out of me the next 30 mins or less. I couldnt hold food in me and i surly couldnt not go to the bathroom less than 5 times a day. Thats when i couldnt take it amymore and i went to the doctors and had a number of tests done. So i went about a week as they processed th tests and no negitive results so i was back into the doctors and that is when i got told that i had soemthing more serious and i needed to see a Gastoloagist ( a doctor that specializes in stomachs and bowel stuff). Within the nest could days i was in to see him and then with in the week i was in to have a scope done. At this point we didnt know what it was and there was a fear that it could be cancer of my bowel. But after the scope the doctor told me that i have a disease called Ulcertive Colitis. Ulcerative colitis is a disease that causes inflammation and sores, called ulcers, in the lining of the large intestine. The inflammation usually occurs in the rectum and lower part of the colon, but it may affect the entire colon. The inflammation makes the colon empty frequently, causing diarrhea. Ulcers form in places where the inflammation has killed the cells lining the colon; the ulcers bleed and produce pus.Ulcerative colitis is an inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), the general name for diseases that cause inflammation in the small intestine and colon. I got this info from http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/colitis/#top
After all this Here is the bad news it is not cure-able. They have not found anything to fully cure it. There are drugs however to weaken the symptoms and the flare ups. Hence the reason for me being on 11 pills at one time for a couple weeks. Now i am only taking 7 pills. And for a while there i was doing good. But for the past two days I have been expereinceing alot of pain and tenderness...and the emptying for the bowel after i eat at all times. So eating for the past couple of days has been hard and i am at the point were i dont want to eat anything cause i think it will make it better..but realistically i know it wont so i eat small meals a couple times a day of very nutural foods. So I ask for your prayers as i go thourgh another difficult time of me not being so healthy. Pray that as i go to the doctors again on thursday that i would be able to get answers and help and some how calm this flare up down again. Pray that i will be able to keep a job with this condition. Even as i wrtie this my stomach is hurting and cramping and i am running a fever. But looking on the positive side of things it is not cancer and i have a very powerful God who can heal me. God can over come anything, and through him all things are possible. So i press on through the rough days longing to know him better and build his kingdom.
God bless you all and once again thanks for being a huge support to me.

Friday-

I thought i would send you an update on how the doctors appointment went. Well it was a good one if you can even think that going to the doctors is good. But i am only on 9 meds of this drug that has no side effects (WHOOT WHOOT!!!). I only have to be on 9 when i am not feeling well but when i begin to feel better i can go down to 4 but i have to stay with 4 for a while even if i am feeling good. I also got sent to get more blood taken from me. It was a big issue b/c my veins are hard to find and also a pain in the butt when i need to give blood. So my doctors office normally does it but they couldnt do it. But through that process i had four needles stuck into my arms and they are all every brused and sore now. So i went to the MSD lab and they found my vein and took my blood and i should know in a about a week what my body needs more of or less of. The hardest or worse part is when he pushes on my tummy. It was really sore that day but he had to do it anywase, so lets just say there was alot of pain and flinching. Anywase, keep me in your prayers and such. Thanks once again cause i know that it was through all your prayers and all your encouragements that helped me pull though into a good couple of days lately. actually i felt better the day after i sent the e-mail after that week of feeling like crap. So thanks.

what is constructive critisim?

2005-10-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

Well let me tell you leaders meetings are supose to be productive and useful. But sometimes some meetings get alittle out of hand. Lets just say i came from a meeting where i was beeing told that i was hanging out with the youth to much with out an adult. WHAT! i am an adult. I have worked with youth for over four years and never once was i told that i needed an adult to be present at any moment i do things with a youth. Ok so i can understand that some parents are alittle cautous b/c they dont really know me and they want to trust the person who they are sending their kids out with. But then get to know me....and see me. I have said hi or had a small chat with almost every parent and it was sad to hear that i was told tonite that i was to calm down on hanging out with the youth. Sad.
In the end we talked about it for like a good 30 mins and just us being told that we are not to do this. Ohh man it was rough. But then it was said that it was only one parent and it wasnt that big of deal. Ohh come on you just gave us a lecture for a good 30 mins and you say its not a big deal. Uh huh! So pray as some critisims are not really good for you and some dont really come from God considering that, may he show me if this is one of those.

The week of crazyness...

2005-10-18T14:38:00.000-07:00

Well since i havent written on here in a while i guess there should be lots of news but there isnt. I had a highlight from last week or well there were few but one was my friend Gus coming to see me and stay at my house for a nite. He is a good friend who i have lost touch with over my two years in BC but we are no less of friends by far. I totally love him being around and cant wait to see him live close to me. I started working for GoodLife fitness club on wednesday but i hated it right off the bat. I didnt like it for a whole bunch of reasons but mainly just because i dont like pushing ppl to buy things. It was just odd for me. But then my friend emily told me about a full time lifeguard position that opened at the YMCA and so i went in to apply for the job and i was given it the next day and started on monday. It was wicked. although getting out of goodlife after working there three days was hard b/c the manager is a mean non opening impression kindda guy. But oh well it went well and i am glad it is done. The YMCA is better cause i feel more comfortable and it fits more with my values and my life style of building into ppl.
I have been busy with work and youth stuff. I love working with the youth. we have youth group tonite and i am forturnate enough to share my story. whoot whot!!
Umm...well the hole friend thing from the past blog hasnt cleared up but oh well God will make things happen.
Umm..my health is ok challenging for sure but its alright....i have been having flare ups lastweek and that hurts but i have a doctors apointment on thursday. Pray that it goes well.
God and i are doing great. we have been spending alot of time togetehr and in lots of different ways. I love him so much and each day i fall in love with him more. he is so amazing. We dance together and we laug together and we hang out togetehr.
speaking of dance, my class is amazing...it is getting harder but good. i enjoy the challenge of it.
well i am out....write maybe later...

the pains of...the Journey...

2005-10-08T14:54:00.000-07:00

Ahh soo this is whats up…wow so I just got off the phone with my friend and he told me about what he was concerned about between me and another friend. Now I am all like thining about it and all concerned. I am upset because I know that I will probly be the one brining this up but I don’t want to. But yet if he is upset with me than I want to talk to him about it. I guess it just angers me cause I also know that he will say it is all my fault or make me feel that way. But it isn’t it was something he said to me. And ya I shouldn’t have reacted with the whole well you don’t know what you are talking about..kindda thing but his words hurt me when I was in a hurtful time already…..who steals a jacket from a person on a cold winters day…or who kicks a person when they are down,….ohh I dunno I guess I am just kinnda mad. But I don’t want to be. This friend and I use to be the best of friends
Then we went off to colleges and he gpt a girl and we don’t really talk much now. I still want to be his friend and I will always accept him with open arms but….this time it seems to hurt more cause I feel like I am crappy or that he just doesn’t want my friendship…and do I still continue to put love and hope into our friendship ya…I try at least. I dunno it just saddens me….my heart feels heavy and hurt…I cry because I don’t know what else to do….looseing a good friend I guess is never easy and I have always said that we would still be good friends but I guess it almost seems like reality just hit me…that he doesn’t want me as a friend. I hurt. Please
Help me.

anticipation...

2005-10-06T23:25:00.000-07:00

So i dropped off the resumes everywhere. And now i continue to wait and wait....and wait. I am glad to give ppl a chance to look at my resume but i need a job now...or so my parents feel and so get pressured and feel like i need a job asap which means right this second. I got offered one job at good life fitness center but i am kinnda debateing on saying yes because i need to sell the memberships to make anything over 8 $ an hour. So here are my thoughts i could take this job and sell memberships and such and then....possibably make more as time goes on and settle with the 320 a week...or i could wait and go for a job that has me making like 10-15 $ an hour. Sure this one i might like more but i just need $ at this point i dunno if it is the job that i am in for liking anymore. This city just sucks for jobs. I also looked into a hotel job which i am very interested in. I would be the full time supervisor to oversee the day to day stuff...so i would really enjoy that job also and i wouldnt have to meet a quota or anything. Sadly the way it is looking is that i will take that job for a bit and wait on the other places and then if something better comes up then i will take it. But i just hate the thought of letting down an employer, who is counting on me. It is a really hard decision..and i duno what i should do. It sucks. But i need money and now.
OK onto other things....maybe this is why i feel like i also need money asap...is because i bought that car i was talking about...the Grand AM...i enjoy it but there are somethings that i just need to get out of it first then it will be perfect. But i am quite happy with it. At least it is a vehicel and will get me away from this house and give me some independance.
Well i dunno what else is new...Pray for me as i make this deision withing the next couple of days. Its a hard one but it has to be done.
Anywase, I am out..as my friend would say...."Keep fit and have fun."

A day Of Quiteness

2005-10-04T14:38:00.000-07:00

OK...so...a day of silence is a thing that i was introduced to last year at Life Teams where we would be made to spend about 6 hours a month in silence. Ohh man it was soo hard. i always have some sorta nosie on in the background so it was really hard when we first started last year. I think that those days were great tho. A whole day spent in quiteness with Jesus, with no interuptions and no distractions. I love it. So i think that this will be an element that i will being to my everyday life. I would like to probly have it once a month as we did at Life Teams last year.
Well so let me share with you a bit of stuff from the day, like how i spent the time, what i focused on, and what i learnt/got out of it. I started out my day with breakfest and then sat down and read Utmost for His HIghest. I really like this book/devotional...it has a page a day of thoughts/insights. I like this book because although written long ago and used by many it speaks to me. today was about "The Vision and the Reality" It is neat beause i have been on this topic for a while Vision, purpose, and how. So this started the day off with a hit. I knew that it was God speaking to me and wanting to talk to me about this whole thing of why i am here in Ontario right now, cause i dont really understand. There are times when we do not know what God's purpose is;(Utmost For His Highest by oswald Chambers)...and some times we dont need to know or understand we just have to follow in faith. That is one thing that i guess kindda is a theme for my day. I then wrote for a bit about things that God has spoken to me about a vision for my future. I have alot of little things or parts of the story but i dont really know what it looks like yet. So I then spent some time listening to God about what he wants me to do with those things and he told me some more little things but no details. then he sent me over to Heb 11. (And to anyone who doesnt know what that is..it is a book in the bible and the number is the chapter of that smaller book inside the big book called the bible.) That chapter is all about Faith. All about it. I laughed when i opened to see what it was about. I was in awe. Ok so that is what i learnt. I need to continue to have faith, Because God is gunna have things happen. I had faith in going back to camp this summer even tho i didnt want to and God rewared me for it, I have been faithful in the small things so he is awarding me with Big things, And now i have been sent home although it isnt easy i will remain faithful to God because i know that God is always faithful. My day then went to Jesus and i hanging out together and him telling me to calm my heart and my thoughts that everything will be clear when he wants it to be and i need to be faithful and stay close to him, even in the "valley/hard" times.
God has taught me soo much on faith lately. Its been an ongoing theme since last winter. To trust, to hope and remain faithful throughout everything. I will never forget one thing Jen Werden/hubard said to me in about feb/march, when i was alittle edgie about my friend coming to see me and i didnt know how i felt about him, She told me that God would show me because i was seeking and that God is a Faithful God. He is nothing else. He will be faithful at all times faye. (not exact words but along those lines) Since then i can often times see us sitting in her car and loking over at me and saying to me with a smile on face, "Faye, dont worry God is faithful." It makes me kindda emotional even to think about it. Ya, really God is so faithful. He loves me and he has given me so much grace and all he wants is me to be in love with him. And I am.
God thank you for being faithful especially when i have walked away from you. You have always remained by my side though the rough and though the highlights. God i know no one who is as faithful as what you are. You are devoted to me and to making me more like your son. WOW. Thanks. I will be faithful and go where you want me to go, do what you want me to do and be who you want me to be, because i have faith in you and i trust you.
You are a God who looks out for me at all times even when i dont see it or understand it. You have a plan for me and vision and a purpose for me. All cause you love me and call me your child. Thanks.
So my day was good and well spent time with Jesus. I ened up going for a walk and just looking and marvaling at His works and how i am like one of those beautiful trees. I change and each time i do it is because of something Higher than me changing me and allowing me to be beautiful in each stage. Although i dont always see or show the beauty but God does.
So i encourage you to spend some time in silence without distractions or music and see where God will take you. May you be encouraged though what i learnt and what God said to me today. If you want to check out Life Teams, the program that challenged me to do this, and i am glad it did, then you check them out at www.lifeteams.ca.

Its time..

2005-10-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

Well i still dont have a job and i am still just chillin at my parents house. Although today i went and looked at a ponitac grand am SE and i think i will buy it. But i dunno for sure. It is a debate cause it is alot more then what i wanted to spend but it is also a 99 and with low milage. soo i dunno. I will probably buy it cause at this point i just need a vehical.
I also applied at about 6 places again today. WoW it is so agravating. I had another job interview and i should know by friday. I dunno i want to get something where i am actually liking my job and can go to work positive.
ya, well nothing really else new.

Ohh wait....Cool story from yesterday/today. OK so Emily, Amanda and I went to Bethal Pentocostal church yeasterday and we loved it. What we liked most was the welcoming we recived. As soon as we walked into the doors we had ppl coming to greet us and make us feel like part of the family. It was such an encouragement to me. And i wondered why i didnt get this at the church i regualray attened. I was thinking maybe it might be better for me to be attending Bethal instead of the church i am at now. All because i want to be noticed and loved and said hey missed ya last week i never seen you at church....ETC. Then this lady who i dont really even know...But her name is Ruth and we meant affically two sundays ago where she came up to me and started to talk to me and tell me that she was paraying for me and my colitis. I loved that. BUt to make it better she invited me to have lunch at her house(as i wrote about a few blogs back). But no today i recive a phone call about 930 from her saying hey i missed you yesterday i never seen you. Ohh...man. I cant explain it. I am soo in love with Jesus. He does truly hear and see all and know what i need and when. He knows that for us all.
So thanks Jesus for once again looking out for me.

...Quote of today..

2005-10-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

One way or the other, God, who thought up the family in the first place,has the very best idea of how to bring sense to the chaos of broken relationships we se all around us. I really belives that if I remain still and listen alot, He will share some solutions with me so I can share them with others.-Jill Briscoe, 1935

2005-09-30T22:14:00.000-07:00

Well what can i say today was a day full of nothingness again. I am seriously the most baringest person alive. Or at least the greatest Bum or slacker lately. Let me see what did i do today....Umm...I went to a job interview and went out for Gelotto with my mom. I sure do miss Vancouver for that one. Mondo gelotto soo good. But getting it here in town sucks. Oh man. It just tasted like normal ice cream. POOPIE! Oh ya in the morning i made some packages for some of my friends in BC and sent them out to them. That was a fun part of my day. I also had my friend Amanda over we made supper and hung out for a bit then i took her home. She is an awsome person and i love hanging out with her. Pray for her as she is finding it hard like me to move back in with the prentals.
So the picture. I enjoy it b/c as many of you know i am the type of crazy person to fart on other ppl. so i was looking at some stuff on the net and i found these pictures and i think it is the funnest thing ever..well probably not ever but funny for the moment. but ya i like it. I love the topic of farting i think it is the greatest. My friend Tami always laughs when i say fart or when anyone farts she just cant help it she finds them so funny.
Umm...I also got a sweet phone call yesterday that i forgot to mention. My room matr from England Laura called. It was so good to talk to her. Oh it was nice. We chated for a long time i kindda feel bad about it cause it is soo much money. But i love speaking with her. She is one of the funniest people i know. She "does my head in." ha ha ha
Umm....I dunno this weekend i will get to see or hang out with a friend form High School and she and i havent seen eachother since grad. so it should be good we both have changed so much so it will be nice to to catch up and chill out for bit.
Other than that i have not to many plans this weekend. Umm. i am feeling the effects of having to nice of a day yesterday with the family, lets just say that today has been a hard day. Some stuff that the construction workers did is wrong and ohh man i tell you i would pray not to be those guys because my dad is so mad. i cant take him like that he just yells and complains about everything. He is so inconsiderate in those times. Oh man. Anywase, i should go ppl are coming over and i havent really tidyed much.

2005-09-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

the nite life..

2005-09-29T21:48:00.000-07:00

I had a beautiful evening! I went out for coffee with a friend. He came over and picked me up so i didnt have to take the perntals van nad insisited on that happening. So we went in to go and get coffee and to see our friend Donna. But donna was having company over in 15 mins so we didnt stay long. then we went to Tim Hortons and got coffee and my fav peach juice. Rodney didnt feel like sitting anywhere or just staying in one spot so we just started to drive and drive and drive. It was soo fun. We ened up going out to our old elemntary school and reminising about old times and then travling on some dirt roads and him pulling over to pee.. ha ha ha. ..then we went to another Tim Hortons in Mitchell and then went to the beach. OHHH my it was beautiful. I cant even describe it. The wind was so strong and the waves were so loud and big. The under toe was so strong it moved sand along the shore. The waves ate up like half the beach. it was crazy. The clouds were around but for some reason there looked like an opening riht where we were. The stars were beautiful. then shore right over the water and onto the beach. Ohh man it was amazing. Then we went to grand bend and then toured back home. Ohh crazyness. i love hanging out with that boy wwe have soo much fun together. i really like his car or being in his car with him we just have alot of good times and chats. I like chatting with him. we seem to have this openess thing about us. I dunno we share stuff to one another. And ohh man i love it, he is such a man of prayer and i bet that i have gotten through this week b/c of ppl like him. Who pray for me and who care for me. Wow ... he's great. Now only if i could change a few things so i could one day be in love with this boy. ha ha ha JK. that could so never happen we are way to different. But he is a great friend and a sick awsome brother. thanks Jesus for blessen me with a brother like him.
on a sad note Jesse left today. That was really sad. Ohh man i feel sad but yet it isnt real so i dunno. I know that i will see him again and that we will be just as great of friends if not better when i see him next. I just hope we keep in contact more this time. He is a gift to me everytime i am with him i feel someing so spectacular. Ohh man he rocks.
I spent alot of my day with Suzi my adopted mom she is moving so i helped her move everything. it was fun. I love her so much.
I also dont think i had one fight with my family today but also i wasnt here much but still. NO fights whoot whoot.
I also hung out with my friend Amanda and everytime hanging with her is a joy. No seriously i really enjoy it.
No job yet. but oh man the calls and the interviews. hopefully i will have something soon. I am getting fustrated or sick of work stuff cause i have nothing. and i want to work but i just cant get hired b/c not alot of places are looking. Anywase, God will give me a job soon. No worries.
well i am beat. gotta sleep.

funnie

2005-09-26T14:53:00.000-07:00

...the Journey...
And im stupid cause i posted it twice
ha ha ha haa

Board.

2005-09-26T14:29:00.001-07:00

Lets Just say I was alittle Board today. So I had fun with the Camera and this photo program I have. HAa haa expect some more to come since I am stuck at home all alone, miswell make some fun.

Board.

2005-09-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

Lets Just say I was alittle Board today. So I had fun with the Camera and this photo program I have. HAa haa expect some more to come since I am stuck at home all alone, miswell make some fun.

Quote of the day

2005-09-25T07:11:00.000-07:00

So my old roommate Laura Gave me this quote book thing where i get a quote a day and i really like it. Yesterdays i found quite interesting and this is what it had to say;
Not everyone possesses boundless energy or a conspicuous talent. We are not equally blessed with great intellect or physical beauty or emotional strenght. But we have all been given the same ability to be faithful. -Gigi Graham Tchividjian, 1945

God has an amazing way of speaking to me even thought a book of compiled quotes from all over the world and from all years of life. WOW. God is so mysteriously ASTONISHING.

God has given me what I can handle.

2005-09-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

The title is my moto lately. I am constantly reminding myself of this becasuse not much seems to be on the good side lately. Well lets leave it at this. Pray for my family. there is alot of stress and family problems that are becoming so big and soo much for me to handle. i cant take it some times i just have to leave which isnt always possible b/c i dont have a car. Ohh God reign in this house. I cry.
Not gunna say much more but honestly time here is really rough and i wanna give up. Between losing my car, my health problems, family and money, thats enough to make me feel like crap.
So pray because a friend Ray said this to me at the begining of the week "God give some ppl more stuff like this because he knows you can handle it and he wouldnt give you more than what you can handle" So i hold onto that. Pushing through and pressing on towards the goal that God has set for me, but it will be your prayers that will help carry me though. So pray. Seek God on how to pray and trust that the Holy Spirit will Guide you in the right direction. thanks be to Jesus.

...Whatz up dawg...

2005-09-21T19:36:00.000-07:00

Highlight.
i started dance today. But not just any dance Hip Hop. it is soo sweet i know a hole dance. But you wanna know the funnie thing...I have campers from the camp that i councelled at like 5 years ago in my class. its funnie. But ohh do i love it. Thug walk in all.
Umm soo i meant with Pastor dave today to talk about me possibly working with the youth at church and getting paid for it. So ya it went well he said that they have alot of people in mind but mind you this position has not been filled for a whole year. And throughout the whole year they have said this soo i dunno. Well see maybe God doesnt want me in there right now.
Anywase, so i kinnda got a job at Bluenotes today. I say kindda cause it is like my third interview and who does a third interview? So i guess it is more like the tecnical stuff. But i am only there part time. But its still a job so WHOOT WHOOT>
so nothing much else today. ohh ya see you at the pole. a big nation wide prayer thing for students to pray for their schools. It was neat. ya.
i miss hanging out with my friends. no car=no way to see friends.

booooo

2005-09-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

ok well today was exacally that. nothing happened. I got yelled at or firmly spoken too by the rents and such. I got told that i need to be applying to more places. even tho that is all i did this morning. and watch some TV. But anywase, so today was boring.
but then my dear friend Rodney aka Hotrod came and picked me up to go to youth group together. So we went as leaders and took part. We both had alot of fun and ohh i love those youth. I am so glad i get to hang out with them. however that was not the most exciting part. Rodney drove me home since i dont have a car and i cant get anywhere-maybe that is why my day was boring, duh. As we are pulling into my drive way be begin to get into a more indepth convo. We are begining to chat more and more and finally we hit a climax point where our convo has hit the out of comfort zones. He opened up to me about something that has been on his heart for a while. We chated for a long time we even drove around the block and came back to sit there for about a good 45 mins. I loved it. He has become such a man of God or is still becomeing cause i think everyone is still becomeing. But anywase, it was so cool to chat with him and to have him open up to me and for me to be able to be there for him to talk to. I love it. I dont know if i have ever been that close with him but i am sure knowing now that i am close with him and we will be chatting more like this. He is such a great person to talk to. He doesnt have much to say back all the time but he is a guy and guys dont always have stuff to say. Anywase, thats my day.

...worst day ever...

2005-09-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

OK so where do i even start.
well lets start with the thing that is bothering me the most right now. And that is that i only have some crappy adds people responding to my blogs. I have only one person actually respond with something true. It is kinnda disapointing cause i am all excited and stuff for a comment on something i wrote and what i get is a crappy thing saying ohh i am glad i found your blog now let me tell you about some stupid service i have for you caus eit looks like you need it. Its crap when i pour my heart out and then have some person respond with a crappy add, it sucks.
Ok now on to the rest of the day, well lets start with bright and early this morning when i woke up at 730 cause i hear this awful country singer singing about how he wants to be famous or something. This music was soo loud. It was comming for the construstion workers who are currently building us a new garage. But at 730 do you really need the music to be blaring away when it is country. Ohh my. I hated it especially cause this is the first morning in a while that i have been able to sleep past 6. So WHOOT WHOOT> but wait stopped but the workers. So pray that i can sleep and have a good restful nite sleep.
Ok now moving right along like 817 my father calls home from work and tells me that my car has a power steering flued leak and that i will need to be filling it basically everytime i stop at a place. (ohh ya soo i heard this loud screeching noise everytime i turned my wheel that was the nite before late so my dad was gunna take a look at it early morning) So when he did he noticed the powersteering thing and also the AMP light was on which is for my battery. So he told me that i needed to take care of my car and that i needed to take it to the macanic and stuff and then told me that i basically needed a new car. And then geting at me cause i need to have cash to pay for a new car and that i need a job to have cash so i should get my butt in gear and get a job. So after my morning wake up and the morning yelling, i thought i would spend some time praying and come time tring to see Jesus in this hole situation. After a bit i felt calm and was able to go back to what i needed to do and i felt level headed again.
So i did up some cover letters and resumes and e-mailed them out to ppl. Then i got dressed and stuff and headed out to see my macanic. Chuck my car guy was saying that i need a new alternater which for my car used would be about 60$. So that isnt that bad and i would put that into my car if it was meaning that i could get some driving out of it. He said it would be fine for a while so i took off and drove into town to do some stuff i needed.
I hung out with Ana again and we just chilled. Once again i love it. She is so much fun to be around. We just did some earns and then eventually went to go see jesse. But jesse wasnt home so we left his house and as we did i heard this loud clunk i was like ohh no you have to be kidding me. So ana and i drove out to my macanics, where he took my car out for a bit and came back with the most stunning entrance. When he pulled back into the shop i watched as the lowerunder half of my car detached itself for the front half. I was in a we. I stood there in pure nothingness. What do you feel when you know that without a car you will have nothing. No job, no social life, no meetings, no coaching, No youth work, no earns no nothing.
So after this ana and i walked to my house where i then told the parents what happened and i got the firm talking to from my dad. NO really yelling but not happy but now really mad more like i am upset at all this and i dunno i will let it show in my voice sorta thing.
Ok so lets just say that after my parents left(had to go pay something) I had a big cry and let everything out. Oh man.
Then Ana and i just hung out and watched a movie and has supper and stuff. But ok this the good thing in my day. I went to this college small group or like young adults small group. It was sweet. We just brought up a topic and all started to talk about it. tonite was the first nite and i loved it. We talked about what is a christian or what makes one? I would love to say that we had answered the question in like 10 mns and moved on but nope we talked for a good like 2 hours about it. It was great we talked alot about...Can gay people be christians? it was really interesting to just hear others views and stuff and i lke that we didnt come up with an answer to anything. we just surfed around and thought different things. It was soo good it reminds me of how many words i use and i dont actually know what they mean or the true meaning.
anywase then my friend rodney drove me home> ohh man that boy is tottaly different that what i can remember him. He is so mature and so adult like. he makes me smile. I love to see people grow and especially my friends. He is so awsome and he is so "Hot" for Jesus right now i am soo excited by that. He is so different and in such goodness and positiveness. Ohh i love it. He is going places and is totally focused on Jesus. wow. it blows me away.
Anywase, so to add to the bad list of today i feel like crap today my tummy has been sore tonite and i dont really know why cause i havent ate anything that i shouldnt or so i think. I have been yelled at today alot by my dad or used the firm tone with and that is hard for me. But i ahve to remember and see him as Jesus sees him and also to be able to see his heart. I now have no car which makes my life soo complicated because what am i to do tommrow when i am stuck at home all day. WoW. And then i dont have money to get a car cause i have no job and with out a job i dont have money to get a car. I am stuck and lost and so completly empty. i am burnt out and at breaking point. Only God will carry me though. So pray cause i know that works and that God hears us and helps us.
So i look onto tommrow with hope for good and positiveness. God gives us only what we can handle so i guess he thinks i can handle it so i better shape up cause i can do this. But only with Him.

...sisters home...

2005-09-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

Sister: a person who you are related to by blood, friendship, simularities, and common interests. Oh so you would think. My sister and i are completly different people. She is all about school and is going through to be a school teacher and principal. But then there is me on the other hand all into NO school. She is very dedicated and such a hard worker. When she wants something she gets it. Her and her boyfriend Brian came home to visit this weekend. It wasnt that bad cause some times when my sister and i get under the same ruff we will yell and scream at eachother, but this time has been plasent. The three of us got Spanglish yesterday and watched it last nite together. Its a great movie. I think it shows so much on how mothers and daughters should be.
I didnt really do much else but i went to drop off my resumes at 2 places and i hope one of them or both i will get a job with.
I also stopped at Ana's house. Ohh man do i ever love that gurl. We had some great talks and some good thought provoking convos. She is a great friend and i am so happy to have a friendship with her. Thanks God.
Ohh and today. May i tell you the church i go to is amazing. I dont like the music alot but it is getting better from when i started. But i tell you God uses Pastor Dave to Speak to me almost every sunday.
This sunday he talked about having a vision. Which is perfect as i just came home and i dont know where my vision fits or what it specifically is. I just know bits and pieces. So it was perfectly in lined with what is going on in my life. As he was talking to us i was writing franticaly i couldnt keep up it was crazy. We looked at Acts 26 where Paul gets this vision for the people who dont have an intimate relationship with Jesus. And that is what I see. I have this passion and longing for others to see and meet my best friend who runs and controls my life. Ohh man it was good and it has just started my thought process. As you can see.
Anywho, i am off gotta go and return the sisiter and brian to their homes. Where they can be the nerds that they are and study study study and get all those A++ Ohh man if only i could get that. ha ah ha but i think that would require me to become some super natural school liking person. ha ha .
Have a good one and take the time today to reflect on Jesus' vision for your life and where he would like to put you no matter where it is, even if it is at the local Tim Hortons just talking to the customers and being a smiling face to them. Think about it. Where is your vision?

sleep..

2005-09-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

I am dead tired.
but i cant sleep
i hate antibotics
i dont like to be sick
cant i just be healthy
i am excited to only take one pill and even that is bad
the drugs do weird things with my head
i feel spacie and all on a cloud like
i dont like it
God take control
my head hurts and my muscles are sore
my eyes are dry cause on average i get like 5 hours sleep
i have been on this for too long and staying awake for even longer
i need to get off this medicine and be in no pain
only by God can that happen
and i am learning through this so
i feel that i need to follow the docs orders
sleepy man come visit me please.
i beg of you.
put me to sleep.

playing nurse.

2005-09-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

I am so lucky had all my wisdome teeth come in straight and not have to be pulled. So looking after jesse today cause he got all four of his out was really fun. He was a very funnie boy cosidering that all his teeth were missing in the back of his mouth he was still able to make me laugh has to say somethin. THE GREATEST PART was when he tried to eat and the food just oozed out his mouth. We just sat on the couch all day and watched law and order and everybody loves raymond. it was a good lazy day.
But on the contrary i ddint hand out resumes and such. sO possibly waking up tommrow and delivering some.
sO THOUGHT of the day. what do i want to be doing? what is my love or my utmost love besides God? like what am i best at?
this is a hard question for me to answer right now...
I love working with youth and such but what area. i need to narrow it down...i try i will try harder. pray for me as i continue on this transistion stage and try and think through the thoughts that you have after you ahve graduated college and am now heading full time into the working world of adults. AHHAH

the greatness of my day will consume all...

2005-09-15T21:06:00.000-07:00

WOW sweet day. helped at a golf tournament with Youth For Christ today and there was 20 golfers and they raised 19000$ dollars. WOW sick awsome, thanks Jesus. um..then i hung out with my friend ana and we went shopping for a bit and i got new sandles-as my other ones i am now walking on the ground. they are beautiful and from sears who new sears has sweet shoes and for cheap. I got nice brown and bead flip flops for 7$ NIce.
then we went phone shopping. it is so fun to shop with ana. Oh and a highlight..ring shopping we went in and picked out our wedding rings ha ha ha....so far from getting wed but it was fun.
Then we went and visited our friends mom who is not with us anymore and it was nice to see her. I miss her daughter and i miss seeing her family so it was good to be around their house more and i am looking forward to seeing her more. Hard thing but a good thing, its weird to be over there without my friend Jen.
then we went and got to gurl friends and headed to my house for some movie watchen and hangen out. just the four gurls who i love to be with. i havent seen Emily in soo long and i really enjoy amandas company and her friendship.
then just as we get home to my suprise my mom tells me that 2 boys on motobikes were by and they wanted to see me. They were jesse and his brother. they left and came back and then watched our gurl movie with us. I loved it.
It was over all a great day and i hardly had much pain but probly cause i am on so much medication. I also got offered two jobs today so that is really exciteding maybe i can actually work...well possibly i dunno....
anywase, God was really relivent in my day today in every place i looked i could see him we shopped for shoes together..

not what i was expecting.

2005-09-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

doctors: people who have way too much training and can tell you the things you either want to hear or really dont want to hear...
and for me today it was what i didnt want to hear.
i am getting sicker. BOOO URNS!! i am not on 11 pills a day for the next couple weeks. I pray that these next two weeks are easy and go smoothly. then back to the docs i go for another exam or test. WHOOT how exciting.
Jesse and i hung out again and once again it rocked my world.
My mom and i went shopping today. It was nice although i enjoy wearing skate brand names and such it is just too expensive soo today my mom and i went to Walmart and got some sweet skirts. It was fun to just chill with my mom. she is so small and cute. aha ha i couldnt find her in some stores and so i called out little one little one and she came to mee. ohh it was funny.
so pray and rely on God that he will get me through and pull me outta this mess that my body and i are in. Jesus and i are having a dependable day today cause i couldnt have made it through my day with out Him. He is my strenght and sheild. Thanks JC.

I love being a Bum..

2005-09-13T19:53:00.000-07:00

Man i tell you bums have it made. I dont think i ahve not really had anything on my agenda for like 3 years now. I am always a go go go kindda person that now when i dont have ANYTHING i love it.
I had a great day tho. I ment with my "mom" and we chated about how i can help her with the Youth For Christ work she does. So i have alot ahead of me but i am excited to help her.
I also went to the unemployment office and i remembered how crappy it is to be looking for a job. I tell ya it really does sux. the amount of jobs i dont qualify for overwhelms the amout of jobs that i do actually qualify for. It suxs and i dont want to get a crappy like 7.00$ an hour kindda job i want something decent and that will help me to provide for myself. How impratical is that? Is that too much to ask for? Possibly in a town of such smallness.
Ohh highlight of the day ......Whoot WHOOT!!!!! i hung out with my friend Jesse. I love him. Not like all romantically. but i truely do care about him. We had supper at my house and we went to london and went window shopping and laughed alot. We were crazy together. We had some excellent chats and i really appreciate him and our friendship. I think i forgot how much i enjoy this boy.....i am sad to think that he will leave at the end of this month. What will i do? i know i will call him like everyday and then my parents can pay for the calls to the USA. ha ha ha-Evil Laugh-
Well tommrow i have a doc's appointment and i am alittle nervous because it could be great or bad. Surgery or no? meds or no? I dunno..pray for me.
Ohh ya Jesus and i spent some sweet time together today praying for the youth of stratford. ohh man my heart crys out for them. i interceed for them
Well yup thats about alll...still missen the home of BC....

a day of non excitement.

2005-09-12T23:06:00.000-07:00

Well today was a day spent with me for the most part. Minus the simple fact that i cant take living at home again. all i got was told that i need to be aplying for this anglican church job cause they want a youth leader. My parents being the no patcience want me to do everything right on the spot. And how do you explain to them that you are just taking some time and spending it with Jesus and you, waiting until he says what to do. But they dont see that and they just get angry at me.
Then there is my mom who yells at the photo lab lady cause she thinks she got charged to much when really she didnt the store just has alot of fess that you have to pay for. Needless to say i stood there for like a good 15 mins as she remed this lady out. It was the worst.
AH its the third or secondish day home and i am already wanting to go back to the place that i truely call my home, British Columbia. Oh God help me.

begining blocks

2005-09-11T21:28:00.000-07:00

the journey began along time ago. but let me fill you in on the past two weeks. i have been living in BC for 2 years or so now and have created my home there. i love it there. i fit. you know how everyone just has this one area-and some lucky people more than one-that we just find our wedge. well that was mine. but now i moved back to Ontario where i live with my parents who are very much act like i am 13 kindda parents. i am sure it is just hard for them to see me as an established person of society.
So lets just say that today was the second full day of me now living at home with my parents again, and i wasnt home very much. i dunno what i am doing to do here in this small town. i guess i should get a job. god has brought me here so i will be patient and wait for Him cause He is faithful. he has something in store for me and i am excited for whatever it is. so until then i am a bum. sitten on my bum scrapbooking a hole crap load of pictures from my childhood and watchen T.V. so now what i pray and seek God for answers and directions for my future. the future may look uncertain to me now but i know it will get clear just when i need it to be.
in order to realize the worth of the anchor we need to feel the stress of the strom. corrie boom

...the Journey...